FADE IN

The camera pans across a wall painting that depicts a younger Zeus holding a lightning bolt and wielding it against the Titans.

The titles appear across the screen: ONE MOON AGO

The camera zooms out to show Zeus staring at the wall painting, deep in thought. Behind him there are a series of flashes of light as many figures begin to materialize.

The camera pulls away for a wide shot of a small chamber with rock walls, lit dimly by torches, and held up by ancient columns. Zeus turns around to face the gods that have just arrived. Hera and Athena step up calmly toward Zeus. The other gods (Aphrodite, Hephaestus, and Hades, and a human-formed Poseidon) look somewhat confused. The camera zooms in on Hephaestus, looking pale and sickly.

APHRODITE (scanning the area):
     Whoa. This is different.

ZEUS (nods):
     I've called you here because there's a very important problem the Olympian Council has to discuss.

POSEIDON (looking around):
     I take it Artemis wasn't invited.

ZEUS (sighs):
     No, I'm afraid Artemis is the problem. (he pauses for a moment) She's becoming too powerful. She has the full power of Ares' godhood as well as her own--and it seems that Apollo, at the moment of his death, transferred his power to her as well. Not content with that--she has been stealing temples from other gods in her quest for power, and taking away what worshipers they still have. (forcefully) She has to be stopped.

HADES (skeptical):
     And how do you propose to do that?

ZEUS:
     Artemis and Apollo stole the Eye of Hephaestus from Olympus and used it to trap Ares. Xena freed Ares from the Eye, but when I went to the caves in search of it--it was gone. Artemis most likely took it, knowing that it could be used against her.

HEPHAESTUS (connecting the dots):
     So I take it you want me to make another one.

ZEUS:
     If the Council agrees.

POSEIDON (grasping onto his trident):
     So because Artemis is becoming too powerful, we're just going to lock her up for eternity. (sarcastically) Gotta love family.

ATHENA (stepping in):
     Forgive me, Uncle, but we don't have much of a choice. Artemis' methods are--unacceptable. She has already gone against the family.

HERA (softly):
     She's--desperate. Her brother's gone...her mother Leto has passed on as well...

Zeus gives her a quick, somewhat guilty look at the mention of his former mistress.

HERA (continues):
     She has nothing left to live for--except power...and immortality itself. And she'll do anything to keep what she has.

HADES:
     You know, this is probably just what (spits out the words) Eli's God wants. For us to turn on each other and start a war. (growing agitated) This is sick! He allowed us to come back from the dead, and now we have to sit around and wait to die?! Right now, my wife is growing weak, my mother-in-law continues to haunt us... (He pauses and points a finger at the gathering, angrily) And I do not want to hear any mother-in-law jokes about this!

APHRODITE (softly):
     Look, we're all in this together...

POSEIDON (rolling his eyes):
     Give it a rest, Aphrodite. You still have plenty of worshipers. The Fates have told us one god may yet survive the Twilight. It'll probably be you.

ATHENA:
     Or it may end up being Artemis if we don't act now.

HADES:
     You know, Athena--last time you told us we had to act quickly, we all ended up getting slaughtered by a certain Warrior Princess. So forgive me if I don't want to jump right in.

POSEIDON:
     At least we don't have to worry about Xena anymore. No sign of her or Ares for weeks.

Aphrodite shoots him a glare.

HERA:
     Look, if we don't act now--

HEPHAESTUS (interrupting):
     --then I'll be dead. (everyone goes silent) Isn't that what you're trying to say? I don't have much time left, and you obviously need me if you want something to capture Artemis with. (sarcastically) Surprise, surprise.

Hephaestus turns to walk away. Aphrodite reaches out to grab his arm.

APHRODITE (softly):
     Heph...

He dematerializes. She looks around at the other gods, then shrugs and disappears as well.

Athena sighs.

HADES (snorts):
     These meetings are useless. They always turn to family squabbles. I have other matters to attend to.

Hades dematerializes, followed by Poseidon.

Zeus, Hera, and Athena remain.

ATHENA (sarcastically):
     Well, that went well.

DISSOLVE TO

A chamber on Olympus. The walls are decorated with metallic objects ranging from weaponry to masks, and other art projects. The rest of the room is draped in pink, almost as if it's trying to hide the objects hanging on the wall.

APHRODITE (off-camera, irritated):
     Heph, please!

The camera pulls around to show Aphrodite leaning against a statue of herself. Across from her is Hephaestus.

HEPHAESTUS (grunting):
     Mortal? I struggled enough as a god, and now I am just supposed to give up everything I know to live the life of a common man?

APHRODITE (pleading):
     Heph--you're dying.

Hephaestus shakes his head and walks away, limping across the room. He sits down on a couch by the wall, looking tired and useless.

HEPHAESTUS:
     I realize that. And the last days of my life have to be spent on creating something for Olympian to use against Olympian. I never created the Eye for that--it was supposed to be used against the Titans, not our own kind!

Aphrodite comes over and sits next to him.

APHRODITE (softly):
     It doesn't matter. None of that matters anymore. Heph, we have to be there for each other. (she tries to smile)

HEPHAESTUS (bitterly):
     We? I don't see you having any problems. You have more worshippers than Zeus himself!

APHRODITE (lays a hand on his arm):
     But Heph--I-- (she falters)

Hephaestus looks down at her hand, then rises abruptly and limps away.

Close-up on Aphrodite as she watches him, still sitting on the couch, looking heartbroken.

APHRODITE (whispers):
     But I love you...

CROSS-FADE TO

Steam rising from the water.

A title appears on the screen: THE PRESENT

The camera pulls away to show a hot spring under a cliff. Xena is seated in the water in the rocky basin. She is leaning back, her eyes closed; Ares sitting behind her, massaging her shoulders.

XENA (softly):
     You haven't lost your touch.

ARES (smiles):
     I hope not.

He kisses her neck. Xena turns around to face him, clasps her hands on the back of his neck, and covers his face with passionate kisses, then kisses his mouth.

XENA (breaking the kiss):
     I love you.

ARES (breathless):
     Xena--

He captures her lips with his. After a brief but passionate kiss he suddenly pulls back, looking concerned. There is blood on his mouth. The camera pulls around on Xena to show blood dripping from her mouth as well. Her eyes widen as she begins to cough up blood.

ARES (frightened):
     Xena!

She tries to talk, but her mouth is full of blood. She collapses into his arms; the camera pulls around to show an arrow sticking out of her back. Ares looks up, horrified. Pan to another Xena, dressed in her normal leathers, standing by the spring. She slowly lowers the crossbow she is holding in her hand.

Bewildered, Ares looks from her to the Xena lying in his arms, now face up, her face covered with blood and her eyes open and frozen in death.

ARES (confused):
     Xena?

Extreme close-up on Xena as she grins wickedly.

XENA (mockingly):
     Yes, it's me.

The camera pulls back to show her standing in the Monarch's red dress and veil. She throws her head back and laughs gleefully.

SMASH CUT TO

Ares sits up abruptly. It's dark. Ares is breathing hard, awakened from his nightmare. The embers glow from the dying fire. He looks around and sees Xena sleeping nearby. Gabrielle can be seen sleeping on the other side of the campfire.

Ares wipes his forehead and starts to lie back down, but his eyes focus on the woods. A dark figure can be seen moving in the distance. He quickly reaches for his sword and slowly gets up. He steals forward toward the trees. A dark shadow appears behind him.

Ares turns back. The figure reveals itself--as Xena.

XENA (whispers):
     Shh...

She is holding on to her chakram, which reflects in the moonlight. Quietly, they both make their way into the trees, going in different directions, Ares holding his sword and Xena her chakram.

The camera pans on a tall man standing by a tree, almost hidden in the darkness. He sees Ares moving towards him and moves to the side--only to find Xena's chakram at his neck. He gasps and raises his hands in surrender.

MAN:
     Don't hurt me--please!

XENA:
     What are you doing following us? Who sent you?

MAN (gasping):
     The great goddess...

XENA (clenching her teeth):
     I knew it. One of Artemis' goons.

MAN (shakes his head):
     No, no--not Artemis...

Xena looks at him, frowning.

MAN:
     Aphrodite.

ARES (confused):
     Aphrodite?

MAN:
     She--she wants to invite you to a baby shower.

XENA (raises her eyebrow, incredulous):
     A baby shower?

The man lowers a hand to reach inside his vest.

ARES (points the sword at him):
     Hey!

Slowly, the man pulls out three scrolls tied with pink ribbons.

MAN (sheepishly):
     Your invitations.

Putting the chakram back on her belt, Xena takes one of the scrolls, unties the ribbon, unfolds the scrolls and reads it. Then, she looks up.

XENA:
     Well. This is...different.

She and Ares exchange an amused look as we:

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER