FADE IN

A hallway in the asylum. Gabrielle and Ares are walking down the hallway with Erika, talking.

ERIKA (to Gabrielle):
     You see, what we do is make them realize that their true personalities are just as important as the people they are pretending to be.

ARES (somewhat sarcastic):
     Sounds good to me.

Xena's loud horrendous war cry echoes down the hall and the camera pans over to show Xena running down the hallway screaming.

GABRIELLE (laughing):
     Oh, ha-ha-ha--there's my sister. I was afraid we'd lost her.

XENA (breathless, grabs Gabrielle's shoulders):
     We have to get out of here, Gab-ri-elle!

ERIKA (calmly):
     What's wrong, Fenora?

XENA (snarls):
     I told you my name is Xena!

ERIKA (reasoning, as if with a child):
     Now, Fenora--

XENA (to Erika):
     You ever heard of the pinch?

ERIKA:
     You mean, when Xena--

Xena grabs Erika's shoulder and actually pinches her. Erika lets out a yelp.

GABRIELLE (shocked):
     Xena, stop! (catches herself) Uh--I mean, Fenora--

ERIKA (glares at her sternly):
     Now, you see how dangerous this poor woman's condition is? Her delusions are starting to rub off on you!

XENA (to Gabrielle):
     Ares is after us! He's trying to make me his Warrior Queen!

ARES (chuckles):
     You know, you should probably just take him up on that.

Xena growls at him.

GABRIELLE (to Xena):
     Listen, you are going to stay here for a while. They are going to help you.

XENA:
     They are going to show me how to defeat evil? To fight for the Greater Good?

GABRIELLE (smiles indulgently):
     Yes.

Xena squeezes her in an exaggerated hug; the camera zooms in as she whispers into Gabrielle's ear, then pans down to show her passing Gabrielle a piece of parchment.

XENA:
     I'll miss you.

ERIKA (to Xena):
     Now come with me. I'll show you where you will be staying.

Xena follows her, then stops, turns, and once again lets out that horrible war cry.

The camera pans over to Gabrielle and Ares.

ARES (dubious):
     I--think she enjoyed that a little too much.

They begin heading towards the exit.

GABRIELLE (holding the parchment Xena handed her):
     All right, let's get this plan in motion.

CUT TO

Aphrodite's room at the asylum. She sits slouched in the corner, an aggravated expression on her face. Across from her, on a stool, sits a woman with dark hair wrapped tightly in a bun, wearing a stern white gown with a name badge that has Greek lettering on it. She's writing in a scroll.

HEALER (in clipped tones):
     Well, since you won't tell us what your real name is, I guess I'll just have to continue calling you Aphrodite for now.

APHRODITE (sighs):
     Whatever.

HEALER:
     So. Tell me some things about your past.

Aphrodite looks up at her listlessly.

APHRODITE:
     My past... (sighs) I just want to move on and forget about the past.

HEPHAESTUS (off-camera, trailing into the flashback):
     It's so good to hear you say that.

HEALER:
     Have you lost someone you loved?

APHRODITE (whispers):
     Yes.

HEALER:
     And then you felt as if life had nothing to offer you anymore?

Aphrodite looks down.

HEALER:
     And would you say that you became--unbalanced after that loss?

HEALER (looking over her scroll):
     So, you lost your husband and it drove you into depression. You said you--forgot yourself. (pauses) Is this happening to you again?

Aphrodite looks into the distance.

Aphrodite stares ahead, then turns listlessly toward the healer. A tear rolls down her check.

APHRODITE:
     I don't want to talk about it. (sniffles)

The healer looks at Aphrodite and sees her distress.

HEALER (rolling up her scroll):
     Well, I think that's all for now. We'll continue later.

The healer gets up and heads towards the door. Aphrodite looks up at her.

APHRODITE (suddenly animated):
     Wait a minute, when are they going to let me out of here?

HEALER (imperturbable):
     Only time will tell, dear.

APHRODITE (shouting):
     You can't just keep me locked up in this place!

HEALER (shrugs):
     You still don't remember who you are. You put up a fight when you were brought here. So I'd say you'll be staying here for a while--until we get you the help you need.

She turns and knocks on the door; it is opened from the outside and she walks out. Once again the door is slammed shut, then bolted. Aphrodite sighs and leans her head against the wall.

CUT TO

The asylum's dining hall. A dozen or so attendants stand by sullenly as the patients are eating their meals. The camera pans across to the corner to show Xena (now wearing a blue tunic and pants like the rest) holding a bowl and searching for a place to sit. She heads over to the table at the end and sits next to a small, skinny man in his fifties who is busy eating his meal.

MAN:
     Hi. (mouthful of food) My name is Hercules.

XENA (in her normal voice):
     Hello, Hercules. Pleasure to meet you. Name's Xena.

PSEUDO-HERCULES (surprised):
     The Xena? The Warrior Princess?

XENA (chuckles):
     The one and only.

PSEUDO-HERCULES (sheepishly):
     Uh, actually, you're the third one this month. (smiles slyly) But you're the real thing, right?

XENA (raises her eyebrow):
     Whaddaya think?

PSEUDO-HERCULES (nods contentedly):
     Yeah. You're the real thing.

Xena glances down at her food. It's rather unappetizing-looking yellow mush. She tastes it, then makes a face and pushes her bowl to the side.

XENA (in a low voice):
     So, Hercules, you don't happen to have heard about a Goddess of Love being brought in?

PSEUDO-HERCULES:
     Oh, you mean Aphrodite?

XENA:
     That's right.

PSEUDO-HERCULES:
     Yeah, they brought her in. She's a wild one, that Aphrodite. (whispers) I heard she bit one of the healers! (giggles)

XENA (looking around the cafeteria):
     I don't see her here.

PSEUDO-HERCULES:
     Oh, I guess she's one of the special cases. She's probably on the third floor with the others.

XENA:
     The third floor, huh.

He nods.

MAN (off-camera):
     Xena? Is it really you?

The camera pans around as Xena turns to see a fat, grungy man with bad teeth standing behind her.

XENA (confused):
     Do I know you?

MAN (deeply hurt):
     You don't recognize me? Oh, Xena. It's me. Your soulmate. Gabrielle.

Xena's eyes go wide as he squeezes her in a bear hug.

CUT TO

Tavern. Gabrielle and Ares, still in their disguises, are sitting at a table in the corner. Gabrielle has finished her plate; Ares still has a little left. Gabrielle is studying the small piece of parchment that Xena handed her at the asylum.

GABRIELLE (pointing to Ares' plate):
     You gonna finish that?

Ares raises an eyebrow as Gabrielle grabs the piece of bread and jam off of his plate and begins eating it, still looking over the parchment. The camera zooms in to show what seems to be a map of the asylum.

GABRIELLE (looking over parchment):
     All right, if things go according to plan, we meet her here-- (points her finger at a spot on the drawing) at the west end of the building. At sunset.

ARES:
     If things go according to plan?

GABRIELLE:
     Don't worry, they will.

CUT TO

Cafeteria. Xena is talking with Pseudo-Hercules and Pseudo-Gabrielle.

PSEUDO-HERCULES (dubiously):
     A distraction?

XENA:
     Yeah. What do you think? Should be an easy job for a legendary hero.

PSEUDO-HERCULES (puffs up with pride):
     You got it.

PSEUDO-GABRIELLE (timidly):
     Xena?

"Gabrielle" reaches out to stroke Xena's hair. Xena growls a little through clenched teeth and tries to back away, then glances at "Gabrielle" and sees the adoring look on the man's face.

PSEUDO-GABRIELLE:
     I'll do anything for you, Xena.

XENA (realizing he can be useful):
     Oh...that's good to know, Gabrielle.

She pats the man's hand and submits to her hair being stroked, though not without a little gnashing of teeth. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees an attendant looking at them suspicious. Gently but firmly, she pries "Gabrielle's" hand off her hair.

XENA:
     All right, then get ready.

DISSOLVE TO

The sky, with the clouds glowing orange in the sun. Sunset is near.

DISSOLVE TO

Ares and Gabrielle walking toward the asylum.

CUT TO

The dining hall. The meal is in progress with the attendants looking on. Zoom in on Pseudo-Hercules as he suddenly throws some of his mush at another patient.

PATIENT #1:
     Hey!

He throws some of his own mush at "Hercules" but hits someone else. A domino effect quickly ensues.

PSEUDO-GABRIELLE (jumps up and yells):
     Food fight!!!

The attendants quickly rush in to stop the epic food fight.

Pan over to Xena as she sneaks out of the dining hall. Alarm bells start to ring.

CUT TO

Outside the dining hall. People are heard running toward the hall. Pan to Xena hiding behind a column. Several attendants and healers run past her.

CUT TO

Pandemonium in the asylum's dining hall. Pseudo-Gabrielle jumps up on one of the tables.

PSEUDO-GABRIELLE (in a high-pitched voice):
     Now, listen to me! There is only one thing that can end this cycle of violence, and it's--

A gob of mush hits him in the face.

CUT TO

An empty room with the door ajar. A healer's gown hangs on the wall. Xena's hand shoots through the door and grabs the gown.

CUT TO

The front gate of the asylum, in the light of the setting sun. Gabrielle and Ares stand in front of two guards.

GABRIELLE (in the same pretentious tone as before):
     We're here to visit my sister. (sighs) The poor dear. She is so ill.

CUT TO

Xena, now in a healer's gown with her hair gathered behind her head, makes her way down a hallway. She approaches an asylum guard.

XENA (with a fake German accent, in very dignified tones):
     Excuce me. I vass looking for a patient who vass brawt in today. She calls herr-self Affrodite. Can you tell me vere she iss?

GUARD (suspicious):
     Who are you? Don't think I know you.

XENA:
     Oh, excuce me. I'm noo here. Ze name is Healer Helewis.

CUT TO

Ares and Gabrielle at the gate.

GABRIELLE:
     Such a shame, to see her suffering like this. She's such a gentle, frail, harmless creature. (to Ares) Right, Andros?

ARES:
     Oh, yeah. (grins) Harmless as a newborn babe.

CUT TO

Xena and the guard in the hallway.

GUARD:
     So how come you haven't got a name badge, huh?

XENA:
     Oh, zat's becoss--aaargh!

Losing patience, Xena snarls and jabs her fingers in the guard's neck.

XENA (normal voice):
     All right. I just cut off the flow of blood to your brain.

GUARD (gulps in horror):
     You're--you're the new Xena!

XENA:
     Good guess. Now, you got exactly thirty seconds--

GUARD (gasping for breath):
     But...but you're not... (points to his throat) you mean this is--the real thing?

XENA (glares):
     You wanna take a chance on that?

GUARD (hastily):
     She's in that room over there! (points to a door)

XENA:
     Thank you.

She motions to undo the pinch, then thinks of something else and reaches for his belt. The guard's eyes bulge in shock, but all Xena does is take a key chain off his belt and show him the keys.

XENA:
     Which key?

GUARD (gasping, points at one of the keys):
     This one!

Xena takes off the pinch; then, businesslike, she rips her asylum-issue tunic in half, ties the guard's hands, and quickly gags him.

XENA:
     Sorry 'bout that. You guys shouldn't be so quick to lock people up.

CUT TO

Gabrielle and Ares walk in through the front gate and head toward the asylum building. They look around to make sure no one is watching them, then duck off the main path and across the garden.

CUT TO

Aphrodite sitting in her room. The key in the door turns and Aphrodite sits up, alarmed. The door opens and Xena is standing in the doorway.

Aphrodite's mouth opens in joyous shock.

APHRODITE (relieved):
     Xena! You're here!

XENA (stretching out her hand):
     Come on, I'm getting you out--

Suddenly Xena's jaw drops open, and she trails off. She sways and then falls to the ground, landing in a shot reminiscent of Xena falling with her back broken in Ides of March. We notice a dart sticking out of the back of her neck. The camera pulls back to show three guards standing behind her.

APHRODITE (shouting):
     Xena!

CUT TO

The garden outside the asylum. Dusk has settled.

Gabrielle and Ares are waiting below.

GABRIELLE (worried):
     They should have been here by now.

ARES:
     Yeah, well, maybe something didn't go according to plan, huh?

GABRIELLE:
     Okay, why don't we go inside and find out what's going on.

CUT TO

Inside the asylum vestibule. Erika is sitting at a table, reading a scroll. She looks up to see Ares and Gabrielle approach.

GABRIELLE (adopting the pretentious manner again):
     Hello. My husband and I are here to visit my sister. I'd like to see her right away, please.

ERIKA (clucks her tongue):
     Oh, my dear lady, I'm afraid I can't do that. (reproachfully) Your sister has given us quite a lot of trouble, you know. She attacked a guard and tried to help another inmate escape.

Ares looks worried.

GABRIELLE (keeping up the act, puts on an shocked expression):
     No! I'm quite sure there must be some mistake. Fenora may behave--oddly, of course, but she's really a sweet little soul underneath. She wouldn't hurt a fly.

ERIKA:
     Hmm--well, I assure you she hurt more than a fly.

GABRIELLE:
     Well, then, all the more reason for me to see her. The poor thing must be scared and confused, all alone in a strange place, torn away from the love of her family--

ERIKA (purses her lips):
     I'm afraid that's quite out of the question. She won't be ready to see anyone for a while.

ARES:
     What?

ERIKA (unperturbed):
     Well, after such violent behavior, she had to be shackled, of course. Not to mention, shot with a dart that had enough sleeping potion to knock out a horse-- (to Gabrielle) if you'll pardon the vulgar metaphor. She'll be out for a while.

GABRIELLE (looks deeply insulted):
     Why, this is simply outrageous. We brought my sister here in the hope that she would be treated with tender loving care, not shackled like a criminal and put down with sleeping potions like some animal! (sniffles) We're taking her home right now. (to Ares, who is visibly fuming) Aren't we, Andros?

ARES (almost forgetting about his role):
     Damn right we are!

ERIKA:
     I'm afraid that's not so simple. Your sister is dangerously insane. As healers, we can't just--

She is interrupted by Ares grabbing her by the collar. He looks enraged.

ERIKA (gasps in shock):
     Wait, what are you--

ARES:
     Give her back, you stupid cow!

ERIKA (yells):
     Heeeelp! Guaaaards!

Three guards come running. Letting go of Erika, Ares downs one of them with a punch and kicks down another. The third guard swings a club at him; Ares grabs his arm, wrests away the club and hits him over the head, knocking him out.

Pan to Erika, who looks at Ares, shaking her head.

ERIKA:
     Must run in the family.

She scurries away.

Pan to Gabrielle, who stands hesitantly, not sure what to do.

Pan back to Ares, who clubs the first guard as he starts to get up.

The sound of a horn is heard, raising the alarm. Three more guards run up and are about to attack Ares from behind. Finally, Gabrielle makes a decision and charges into the fight; she spin-kicks one of the guards and elbows another in the chest.

MALE VOICE (off-camera):
     Drop that weapon and put your hands up!

The camera pans around to show four guards armed with crossbows, advancing on Ares and Gabrielle.

Ares glances at Gabrielle, who raises her hands up in the air. With a sigh, Ares drops the club and raises his hands as well.

GUARD #1 (grins nastily):
     Congratulations. You've just earned yourselves a ticket to the city jail.

Gabrielle and Ares stare glumly as we:

FADE OUT

END OF ACT THREE