FADE IN

A tavern, not too crowded since it's fairly early in the day; mostly, it's filled with traders and other travelers.

Pan to the doorway as Xena and Gabrielle come in and scan the place, obviously looking for something--or someone.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena, this is the fifth one. How can you be so sure he's going to be in a tavern?

XENA (raises an eyebrow):
     I know Autolycus.

GABRIELLE:
     Well, how can you be sure it's Autolycus?

XENA:
     Let's see. Someone pulls off an impossible stunt and steals a valuable object. (sarcastic) Now why would I think it was Autolycus? Come on.

They walk toward the bar. The camera glides over some of the tables; most are empty, but a lone figure wearing a black cloak with a hood is sitting at one of them, eating from a bowl of soup.

The short, plump, balding bartender notices the two women and ogles them rather transparently.

BARTENDER (flirtatious):
     Ladies, what can I get you?

GABRIELLE:
     We're looking for a man.

BARTENDER (preening):
     At your service.

XENA (gives him an exasperated look):
     The guy we're looking for is tall, black hair, mustache--smartly dressed--

Pan to the cloaked figure at the nearby table. The person in the cloak, his or her back to the camera, fidgets and sits up.

Pan back to the bartender.

BARTENDER (crestfallen):
     Right. Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome. (turns away and starts putting away some wine jars) Haven't seen him.

Pan to the cloaked figure as it whips around suddenly. Its face comes into view. It's a withered old woman.

OLD WOMAN (pointing to the doorway):
     You mean--like him?

Xena and Gabrielle turn. Pan over to show a cocky-looking Autolycus, his cloak slung elegantly over his shoulder, entering the tavern. Seeing Xena and Gabrielle, he stops in his tracks and tries to back away.

XENA (with a wicked grin):
     Autolycus. (heads toward him) What a surprise.

Realizing that he won't be able to get away, Autolycus comes toward them with a big fake grin.

AUTOLYCUS:
     Xena! Gabrielle! Yes, it's quite a surprise. What brings you to this fine town?

XENA (crossing her arms):
     You know, I could ask you the same question. (off Autolycus' nervous laugh) You see, a friend of mine had a statue stolen from her garden.

AUTOLYCUS (playing innocent):
     Really!

XENA:
     Yeah. Seems like it's just not humanly possible but someone did it.

AUTOLYCUS (trying to hide nervousness underneath false bravado):
     Well, well, well. (laughs nervously) Good for them.

GABRIELLE:
     And then it gets better. They put it back and stole another statue.

AUTOLYCUS (laughs):
     Now that's just crazy. Who would do a thing like--

Xena's glare cuts him off.

XENA:
     I want it back, Autolycus.

Pan over to Autolycus, who now looks even more nervous but tries to maintain his cool.

AUTOLYCUS (smoothly):
     You mean, you want me to help you get it back? Well Xena, I'm flattered but--

XENA (growls):
     Cut the crap, Autolycus. Only the King of Thieves could pull this kind of stunt without getting caught.

AUTOLYCUS (caves in):
     All right, all right--you got me. It was brilliant.

GABRIELLE:
     So where is it?

AUTOLYCUS (sighs):
     Well, I--I don't really have it anymore.

Gabrielle gives a long sigh.

XENA (glares):
     Oh, that's great.

The camera pulls back to show Xena and Gabrielle standing in front of Autolycus glaring at him, their hands folded on their chest--they obviously aren't happy campers.

XENA:
     So what did you do? Sell it?

AUTOLYCUS:
     Well...not exactly.

XENA (sarcastic):
     Don't tell me you gave it away to charity.

AUTOLYCUS (sighs):
     Well...see, these two people, brother and sister, they hired me to steal a statue for them from the palace garden. They just wouldn't stop bugging me about it. I don't know, it sounded like it was some kind of family heirloom that fell into the wrong hands, or something. They had some sappy story about a great-grandma that I really didn't want to hear. (A little irritated at sounding like too much of a good guy) Look, it sounded like it was really important to them, okay? They really weren't too thrilled about stealing it. So when I stole the wrong one, they made me return it back to the palace.

GABRIELLE (grins):
     So the King of Thieves still has a heart of gold.

AUTOLYCUS (sarcastically):
     Yeah, yeah, yeah--whatever.

XENA:
     Well, either way, I promised Diana I'd find her statue for her. Where are these two?

AUTOLYCUS (thinks a moment):
     They mentioned something about heading to Pelius to find some freak with special powers. They figured he could help them.

The camera zooms in on Xena and Gabrielle's confused faces.

XENA:
     Evander?

AUTOLYCUS (shakes his head):
     That doesn't sound like it.

Xena and Gabrielle exchange a surprised look; then Gabrielle's eyes light up--she has just gotten an idea.

GABRIELLE:
     Paeonis?

AUTOLYCUS (nodding):
     Yeah, yeah, that's it!

XENA:
     Same guy. Evander's his real name. So--they wanted him to help them with what?

AUTOLYCUS:
     Hey, how would I know? My job was just to get the statue.

XENA:
     When did they leave?

AUTOLYCUS:
     Last night, right after I brought back the statue. They sure seemed in a hurry to get there.

Xena nods.

GABRIELLE (to Xena):
     It doesn't make sense. Why would they want to see Evander about a statue...? (gasps slightly) Maybe it's under some kind of spell.

XENA:
     I'm sure we'll find out the whole story soon enough. (to Autolycus) All right, let's go.

Autolycus looks over his shoulder ("who the hell is she talking to?"), then turns to Xena.

AUTOLYCUS (laughs, pointing at himself):
     You're talking to me? Oh--no thanks, I think I'll pass on this little adventure.

XENA:
     A little late for that, Autolycus. You stole it, you're going to help us track it down.

AUTOLYCUS:
     I'm sure you'll do just fine without me, Xena. I have every confidence in you too.

XENA (wryly):
     Thanks. But you know what your friends look like.

Autolycus shakes his head, laughs and is about to say something when the doors burst open and four guards come into the tavern. Autolycus looks slightly nervous and steps behind Xena and Gabrielle.

One of the guards unravels a scroll and clears his throat.

GUARD #1:
     Attention, everyone! By order of King Philemon and Queen Diana, Autolycus, also known as the King of Thieves, is wanted for stealing a statue from the palace garden. The reward--

His voice fades as we pan to Gabrielle and Xena.

GABRIELLE (in a stage whisper, to Xena):
     Hey, how much do you think we'd get for turning in the King of Thieves?

Pan back to the guard as his voice fades in again.

GUARD #1:
     --fifty dinars.

Pan to Xena and Gabrielle.

XENA (playing along):
     You know, I could really use the money to get Argo that new saddle I wanted...

AUTOLYCUS:
     You wouldn't.

Pan to the old woman in the cloak who identified Autolycus before. She points at Autolycus.

OLD WOMAN (screeches):
     There's your King of Thieves!

The guards step toward Autolycus.

XENA (grabs Autolycus' arm):
     That's all right--we already got him!

She gives Gabrielle a kick and Gabrielle grabs Autolycus' other arm.

GABRIELLE (smiles brightly):
     Yeah, we spotted him first. We'll bring him in.

OLD WOMAN:
     No, you don't! That reward is mine!

GUARD #2:
     We'll take it from here. Turn over the criminal.

AUTOLYCUS (insulted):
     The criminal? That's incredibly rude.

The guards charge forward, trying to grab Autolycus. He slams his foot down on the foot of the first guard to reach him. The guard yelps in pain and hops around clutching his foot. Meanwhile, Autolycus punches out another guard but the third manages to land a punch to Autolycus' stomach that makes him double over coughing. The two guards manage to grab him, pinning his arms behind his back. Meanwhile, the guard whose foot Autolycus stomped on before hobbles menacingly toward him, pulling out a pair of manacles.

XENA (smiling):
     Seems like you could use a little help, Autolycus.

AUTOLYCUS (gritting his teeth):
     Okay, okay, you win. I'll come along.

Xena and Gabrielle approach the guards holding Autolycus. The guards look at them nervously.

GUARD #2:
     If you help the prisoner, you're going to be in trouble too.

XENA:
     I'll take my chances. (She grabs the guard, wrenches him away from Autolycus and throws him across the room) Give my apologies to Queen Diana.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle trips up the other guard and sends him crashing to the floor. The guard with the manacles charges forward but the now-free Autolycus brings him down with a kick.

XENA (dusting her hands, to Autolycus):
     All set? Let's go.

Xena and Gabrielle walk out of the tavern, as Autolycus gives a long deep sigh and follows them.

CUT TO

A long shot of Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus riding through a valley.

DISSOLVE TO

Montage of the sun rising across the sky and then going down.

CUT TO

Night. Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus sitting at a campfire eating and talking.

AUTOLYCUS (amazed):
     Xena, Goddess of War? I wish I'd been around for that.

GABRIELLE (smirks):
     It was...different.

AUTOLYCUS:
     So what haven't you guys done?

GABRIELLE:
     Had a vacation.

XENA (smiles):
     People in our line of work don't get vacations.

GABRIELLE:
     Maybe you should have told me that before I got into this line of work. (to Autolycus) So, what have you been up to?

AUTOLYCUS:
     Do you just want to hear the legal part?

GABRIELLE:
     Uh--yes, please.

AUTOLYCUS:
     Well--mostly helping get ready for the wedding.

XENA:
     You're getting married?

AUTOLYCUS:
     No, no-- (laughs nervously) Anticlea, my daughter. (a bit grouchy) She's engaged to that Laertes guy.

GABRIELLE (thrilled):
     That's great!

AUTOLYCUS (grumbles):
     Yeah, yeah... Anyway, you're both invited. (slightly worried) Just don't bring any warlords, or monsters, or--

There is a "whoosh" sound and a flash of blue light. Ares materializes on the other side of the campfire. Startled, Autolycus almost jumps.

AUTOLYCUS (finishes the sentence, nervously):
     --gods.

XENA (grinning):
     Well, I won't make any promises.

ARES:
     Hello, Xena. What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Treus.

XENA:
     Oh, having a little adventure tracking a (glances at Autolycus) stolen statue...

ARES:
     Ah. The King of Thieves.

He walks over and sits down next to Xena.

XENA:
     Autolycus, this is--

AUTOLYCUS (angrily):
     Yeah, yeah. Ares, God of War. We've met.

GABRIELLE:
     You have? What happened?

ARES:
     Well--I played a little prank on him and Iolaus, I imagine he's still a little sore about that.

AUTOLYCUS (suddenly nervous):
     You know what? Why don't we, er...let bygones be bygones.

Xena gives him a curious look.

XENA (to Ares):
     All right. What did you do?

ARES:
     Just had them chained together for a while.

GABRIELLE:
     That's all?

Autolycus breathes a sigh of relief.

ARES:
     Naked.

Autolycus winces and squirms as Xena and Gabrielle give him strange looks, then glares at Ares and goes on the offensive to change the subject.

AUTOLYCUS:
     Yeah, and don't forget you had us attacked by a giant chicken!

Ares laughs.

GABRIELLE (to Xena):
     And we thought some of our adventures were bad. At least we were never chained together naked...

Ares looks at her, raising an eyebrow.

AUTOLYCUS:
     I wouldn't give him any ideas if I were you.

XENA (brightly):
     So. Why don't we forget about the past.

ARES (grins):
     Never thought I'd hear you say that. (Xena gives him "the look" as he continues) So, where are you headed now?

XENA:
     Pelius.

ARES (suddenly serious):
     Why Pelius?

XENA:
     Well, Autolycus stole a statue from Diana's garden. The people he got it for were headed to Pelius.

ARES (smirks):
     So now the Greater Good includes going after stolen statues? (laughing) You guys have certainly gone downhill...

XENA (ignoring his remark):
     I think it's something bigger than just a statue. They're looking for Evander.

Ares clears his throat and looks away uncomfortably.

XENA (continues):
     So we need to get to Pelius and figure out what's going on.

ARES (wryly):
     Well you'd better hurry up then, I heard some lady in Corinth got her cat stuck in a tree...

XENA (grins):
     One adventure at a time. (She looks at Ares, her grin fading, and speaks softly) How are things with you and Evander?

ARES (grimly):
     They're not. (he gets up and gives Xena a wry look) Good luck with the statue hunting.

He vanishes. A close-up of Xena as she gazes thoughtfully at the spot where he stood.

AUTOLYCUS (off-camera):
     Xena?

With a start, Xena looks at him.

AUTOLYCUS:
     I ran into Hercules a while back. He told me you and Ares were--well-- (he falters under Xena's glare, then speaks up again as Xena turns away) I--I don't get i-- (Xena glares at him even more harshly and he falters again) Well, I guess it's none of my business, really.

XENA (chuckles):
     Autolycus, I'm a big girl.

AUTOLYCUS (nods):
     And in all the right places, too.

Xena elbows him and he gives her a look of pretend innocence. Xena and Gabrielle chuckle.

DISSOLVE TO

Morning. Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus riding through the countryside.

DISSOLVE TO

Day. The streets of Pelius. It seems like a much happier place than in The Rebel. A lot of people are out in the street going about on various errands, buying things from street vendors, and the like.

Pan to Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus walking down the street.

XENA:
     Well, no point in wandering around the whole city looking for your friends. Let's just go to the palace and find Evander and--

AUTOLYCUS (yells and points):
     There they are!

The camera pans to show Lichas and Cynthia talking to a man who seems to be giving them directions, pointing and explaining something. They're standing next to a small cart pulled by a donkey. Something is lying in the cart, covered with cloth.

Pans to Xena as she heads toward them, then back to Lichas and Cynthia, zooming in on them.

LICHAS:
     Thank you for your help, Sir.

MAN:
     No problem. Good luck to you two!

He walks on as Lichas and Cynthia go back to their cart. Lichas picks up the horse's reins.

Close-up on Xena's hand firmly gripping his wrist.

Lichas turns, startled, and finds himself facing Xena, with Gabrielle and Autolycus behind her.

LICHAS (noticing Autolycus):
     Autolycus? What are you doing here?

AUTOLYCUS (sheepishly):
     Uhh...sorry, guys...

CYNTHIA (confused):
     What's going on? (suddenly angry) You sold us out, didn't you!

AUTOLYCUS:
     Well...I didn't really want to... (points to Xena) You have no idea how persuasive she can be.

XENA (to Lichas and Cynthia):
     I believe you have a statue that belongs to a friend of mine.

LICHAS (defiant):
     I have no idea what... (off Xena's probing look, breaking down) All right, I'm not going to lie. We have the statue. But it belongs to us.

CYNTHIA (stepping in, defensively):
     Look, we would have bought it and paid good money for it. But you can't exactly walk into a royal palace and tell the king and queen you'd like to buy one of the statues from their garden. Don't you understand?

Xena backs off and looks at them curiously.

GABRIELLE:
     Is this statue really important to you?

LICHAS:
     You have no idea.

XENA:
     A family heirloom?

CYNTHIA:
     It's our great-grandmother.

GABRIELLE:
     Oh... Well, I can see how that would mean a lot to you. A statue of your great-grandmother--

LICHAS:
     You don't get it. This isn't a statue of our great-grandmother.

He turns and yanks the cloth off the statue in the cart. We see the statue. It's a beautiful dark-haired woman, looking very life-like. Close-up on the statue's face. Her expression is anguished; there is a tear frozen on her cheek

LICHAS:
     This is our great-grandmother.

Pan to Xena, Gabrielle and Autolycus, staring at Lichas, Cynthia and the statue in complete shock, as we:

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE