FADE IN

Xena, Ares and Gabrielle walking down a path in a sparse wood. Ares looks amused, while Xena is quietly fuming as she watches the dog tracks.

ARES:
     Xena, Warrior Dogcatcher. This I gotta see.

Xena glares at him.

GABRIELLE:
     The dog took Xena's chakram.

ARES (pauses to digest this):
     A dog took your chakram. (chuckles) That's--

XENA (cuts him off with a murderous look):
     --not funny.

GABRIELLE:
     Oh, come on, Xena--it's no big deal. Remember when Horace stole your breastplate? And Ares' gauntlet? Just because your chakram is lost--

XENA (through clenched teeth):
     It's--not--lost!

CUT TO

Xena, Gabrielle, and Ares stand still on the edge of the woods. A wide shot of a small farmhouse not too far away. In front of the farmhouse, we can see two boys playing catch with a ball as their dog runs back and forth between them--the same dog we saw in the teaser.

XENA (with a satisfied grin):
     See? I think we found it...

CUT TO

Outside the farmhouse. The boys continue to play catch with the ball, as the dog barks, running back and forth between them. Suddenly one of the boys stops playing and looks up, then gapes in awe. Xena, Gabrielle, and Ares are standing there watching them.

The boys look slightly nervous.

GABRIELLE (to Xena):
     I'll handle this. (smiles) Hey guys. I think your dog may have picked up something of ours--uh, of hers. You haven't seen a metal disk around, have you?

BOY #1 (nervously):
     Well...

Back by the farmhouse. Xena's eyes flash with anger; the boys look scared, even the dog cowers.

XENA:
     You threw my chakram in the river?

The boy gives a very nervous nod.

CUT TO

Underwater. The chakram is resting at the bottom of the river. Suddenly a hook passes by it and gets caught inside the edge. It stays there for a moment, until it is tugged and moves a little.

CUT TO

Land. A fat old fisherman with a beard is pulling on his pole, trying to get off of the snag. He begins to pull a little more, then when his line gets closer reaches in the shallow area and pulls the chakram out of the water. The chakram reflects in the sunlight.

FISHERMAN (astonished by chakram):
     Well, isn't that a pretty little thing. (smiling) Probably could fetch me a nice little dinar too.

The fisherman smiles, grabs his tackle box, and heads out with the chakram in his hand.

CUT TO

Later. Down by the river. Xena, Gabrielle, Ares, the two boys, and the dog are standing at the edge of the river.

BOY (pointing to river):
     I threw it in right over there!

Xena nods and then takes off her boots, then her gauntlets, and then much to the boys surprise she begins unfastening her breastplate. Pan to the two boys as their eyes widen, then to Xena's breastplate and tunic falling to the ground.

GABRIELLE (worriedly, to the boys):
     Shouldn't you be going home? (smiles) Thanks for your help.

ARES (irritated, to the boys):
     Beat it.

BOY #1:
     Shouldn't we stay here until she finds it?

GABRIELLE and ARES (in unison; Gabrielle sweetly, Ares emphatically and with a scowl):
     No.

The boys run off with their dog. Pan to Xena diving into the river.

FLASH TO

Close-up on Xena as she surfaces, looking angry and upset.

Ares and Gabrielle are standing on the bank, staring at Xena with grim resignation.

XENA:
     It isn't down there.

GABRIELLE (to Ares):
     Can't you just, you know, do some god thing and make it appear?

ARES (sarcastic):
     No, I can't do some god thing. First I'd have to know where it is, which I don't. Gods have their limits too, you know.

GABRIELLE (under her breath):
     I've noticed...

ARES:
     What's that supposed to mean?

XENA (not listening to them):
     Maybe it went a little further downstream.

Gabrielle gives out a long sigh, as Xena dives back into the water. Gabrielle walks over and sits on a log. In a moment a fish flips at her feet and Gabrielle jumps. It's followed by another fish.

XENA (off-camera):
     While I'm looking you can make lunch.

Gabrielle chuckles a little bitterly and picks up the fish. Ares laughs.

CUT TO

The riverbank, later. Gabrielle is cooking the fish over a small fire. Xena and Ares come walking toward her. Xena is wearing her tunic now but her hair's still wet.

XENA:
     I don't get it. Where could it be?

ARES:
     Maybe those brats still got it. How do you know they didn't lie to you? (Xena gives him a doubtful look) Now, if you went back there and put the pinch on them--

GABRIELLE (looks up, outraged):
     She can't put the pinch on a child!

XENA (regretfully):
     No, I can't. (looks questioningly at Gabrielle) Can I?

GABRIELLE (horrified):
     Xena!

XENA (grumbles):
     All right, all right. (pauses, then reluctantly and a little edgily) I was only kidding. I don't think they've got it anyway.

Xena starts putting on her gauntlets.

GABRIELLE (poking at the fish to see if it's done):
     You know, I think there's a village downstream from here. Maybe we can go there and see if anyone picked it up.

XENA (nods):
     Good idea. (abruptly) Let's go.

GABRIELLE:
     Hey, what about the fish?

XENA (sourly):
     I don't really want it.

Gabrielle throws up her hands in frustration.

CUT TO

The fisherman is walking alongside the road back to the village. He is carrying the chakram in his hand, and whistling happily as he makes his way to the village.

Coming toward him, from the village, is a man walking by the side of a large cart pulled by a donkey. He is dressed in a colorful robe and a turban, a costume somewhat resembling that of the traveling salesman in Old Ares Had a Farm. As he gets closer to the fisherman, he notices the chakram in his hand and looks at it with curiosity. He stops the donkey.

SALESMAN (brightly):
     Good day there, sir!

FISHERMAN:
     Good day to you too.

SALESMAN (curious):
     What's that you've got there?

The fisherman holds up the chakram, grinning.

FISHERMAN:
     Just something I found in the river. Pretty little thing, huh? (eagerly) You wouldn't like to buy it, would you?

SALESMAN:
     Here, let me see. (He takes the chakram and examines it, then shakes his head, looking unimpressed) Well... It's very nice, but not quite what I'm looking for. (Off the fisherman's disappointed look) Well, I'll tell you what. You're obviously a good man, so I'll be nice and give you five dinars for it.

The fisherman's eyes widen--a whole five dinars!

FISHERMAN (grins, unable to believe his luck):
     Well, sure!

The salesman nods and takes five dinars from the pouch at his belt. He hands the coins to the fisherman, who gives him the chakram.

FISHERMAN:
     Thank you, sir!

The fisherman skips joyously back to the village, singing a tune. The salesman watches him leave, looks down at the chakram and smiles.

SALESMAN:
     Sucker...

The salesman picks up the donkey's bridle and heads down the road with his cart.

CUT TO

Xena and Gabrielle are walking through a field while Ares tags along.

GABRIELLE:
     I can't believe you had me start a fire and cook those fish for nothing.

XENA:
     Look, I just don't feel like fish right now.

GABRIELLE (incredulous):
     You don't feel like fish. (sighs) I guess you're just not yourself now that you've lost your chakram--

XENA (whips around, glaring at her and pointing a finger):
     I did not lose my chakram! It was stolen.

She strides ahead, Gabrielle following her and Ares still trailing behind.

GABRIELLE:
     Well, even so, you have no clue where it is, and--

XENA (turns around, blowing up):
     That's right, Gabrielle, rub it in! I have no clue where my chakram is! Maybe I'll never see it again! All right--I lost it!

Gabrielle is visibly taken aback.

ARES (under his breath):
     You lost it all right... (aloud) You know--I really should be going. I have a, a--war to take care of--or something.

Ares dematerializes quickly.

XENA (frustrated yell):
     Aargh!

GABRIELLE (trying to be conciliatory):
     Xena--we'll find it. Look, there's the village.

She points to a village across the field. It's the same one we saw the salesman leaving before.

CUT TO

Inside the nearly empty village tavern. Xena and Gabrielle come in.

GABRIELLE:
     Well, we've been to every single house. No one even knows what a chakram is...

Xena looks glum. They walk to the bar. The tavern keeper comes up to them as he finishes drying off a glass.

TAVERN KEEPER:
     Can I get you ladies anything?

GABRIELLE:
     No, we just wanted to ask you some questions. (Off his reproachful look) All right, I'll have some apple cider.

TAVERN KEEPER:
     We got a nice special today. Fish sandwich.

GABRIELLE (glances at Xena):
     No thanks-- (pats her stomach) I've had plenty of fish.

XENA (sits down):
     I'll have one--I'm starving.

The tavern keeper nods and walks away while Gabrielle gives Xena an exasperated look.

GABRIELLE:
     I thought you didn't feel like fish.

XENA (cranky):
     Well, now I do.

GABRIELLE (with a wry, exasperated grin):
     Fine.

The tavern keeper comes back with a fish sandwich and places it in front of Xena (talk about fast food...!) and puts down a mug of cider in front of Gabrielle.

TAVERN KEEPER:
     So. You said you wanted to ask some questions?

XENA (picking up her sandwich):
     Yeah. I'm looking for my chakram.

The tavern keeper gives her a slightly baffled look, then leans down and whispers.

TAVERN KEEPER:
     Is that like, uh...uh--a--sex toy?

XENA (disgusted):
     No!

The tavern keeper looks embarrassed.

GABRIELLE (trying to explain):
     It's a weapon. A round metal thing, with silver around the edges--

XENA (chewing on her sandwich):
     And bronze in the middle--

GABRIELLE:
     Yeah, like a handle-- (shows the shape with her hands) and it curves--

The tavern keeper looks confused.

VOICE (off-camera):
     Wait a minute, I think I found something like that by the river.

Xena whips around (whooshing sound). The camera pans to show the fisherman sitting at one of the tables.

XENA (her speech slurred because she's still got fish sandwich in her mouth):
     You got it with you?

FISHERMAN (shakes his head):
     Oh no, I sold it.

Xena chokes on her sandwich and starts coughing; Gabrielle thumps her on the back.

XENA (recovering but still in shock):
     You...you sold it?!

FISHERMAN (grins):
     Yeah, I made five dinars too!

XENA (gets up and advances menacingly on the fisherman):
     Who did you sell it to? A street vendor?

FISHERMAN (nervously):
     No, no--the man I sold it to was leaving the village. I think he was a traveling salesman. He had a cart with a donkey.

Gabrielle touches Xena's arm, gently restraining her from getting any closer to the obviously scared fisherman.

GABRIELLE:
     What did he look like?

FISHERMAN:
     Oh--an older man, long hair, huge beard... (wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember) He had on this blue turban--

GABRIELLE:
     Do you know which way he went?

FISHERMAN:
     Well, he was heading east. That's all I know.

XENA (sarcastically):
     Well that's just great. (to Gabrielle) Looks like we got a salesman to track down.

She goes back to the bar, takes another bite out of her sandwich, throws a couple of dinars onto the table (does anyone know where she keeps those since she has no pockets?) and heads for the door.

GABRIELLE (to fisherman):
     Thanks for the help!

The fisherman waves as they leave the tavern.

CUT TO

Outside the village. Xena and Gabrielle are examining the cart tracks in the road.

XENA:
     He couldn't have gotten that far. We should be able to catch up with him.

CUT TO

A typical ancient Greek town, the Xenaverse version. A crowded city square. People are busy shopping, milling about, talking, carrying goods, snacking, and otherwise going about their business. The camera zeroes in on the salesman. He pushes his cart up to a fairly large, one-story building of colored brick, parks his cart, gets the chakram out of the cart, and walks into the building (seen only from the side).

Sounds of squeals, oohs and aahs are heard from inside the building, along with "ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching" sound effects of clinking coins.

CUT TO

Later. The salesman heads out of the store, grinning happily and tucking a money pouch away in his pocket.

CUT TO

Later. Xena and Gabrielle wander through the streets of the town, looking around for a man with a donkey and a cart.

CUT TO

Xena and Gabrielle in the town square, still looking around. Xena and Gabrielle are leading their horses behind them. The streets around them are somewhat busy. They scan the area looking for someone with a horse and cart, obviously they would stick out a little more though.

A long shot of Xena and Gabrielle stopping in front of a fruit vending stall run by an old woman. They talk to her, though we cannot hear their conversation. The camera zooms in closer, the sounds of their conversation fading in.

OLD WOMAN (nodding):
     Yeah, he was here about an hour ago.

Gabrielle lets out a long sigh.

XENA:
     Which way did he go?

OLD WOMAN (shrugs):
     I didn't ask him. I think he was headed west.

CUT TO

Xena and Gabrielle walking through the square.

GABRIELLE (exhausted):
     Xena?

XENA:
     Yes?

GABRIELLE:
     Maybe you don't really need a chakram. I mean, you're still a--

Xena stops and gives her the death glare.

GABRIELLE (sighs):
     Let's go.

They walk on out of the city square, walking right past the colored brick building where we saw the salesman go. The camera pans over to the front of the building to show a chakram-shaped entrance and a sign. A translation appears on the screen: The Xena Gift Shop. Oblivious to this clue, Xena and Gabrielle walk away as we:

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE