FADE IN

Wide shot of the beach. Ares is still standing in the same spot while Xena and Gabrielle are coming toward him.

Zoom in as Xena and Gabrielle approach Ares.

XENA (to Ares):
     Got it?

ARES (sheepishly):
     Well...

XENA (exasperated):
     Don't tell me you couldn't find it!

ARES (blurts out):
     Someone picked it up.

Xena and Gabrielle stare at him in shock. If looks could kill and Xena still had the power to kill gods, Ares would be in serious trouble right now.

XENA:
     Who?

ARES (embarrassed):
     A little girl.

XENA (slowly, glaring at Ares with an expression that alarmingly resembles Evil Xena):
     Let me get this straight. You let a little girl take my chakram?

ARES:
     Umm...yeah.

XENA (yelling):
     Why?!

ARES (holding up his hands):
     What was I supposed to do?

XENA (angrily):
     Get it back?! What, you can't handle one little girl?

ARES:
     Easier said then done. You should have been there.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle tries to keep her cool.

GABRIELLE (to Ares):
     Well, where is this girl now?

ARES (pointing over to the forest at the edge of the beach):
     She went home with her parents.

Xena sighs, this is getting to be ridiculous.

XENA (pointing at Ares):
     I give you (yelling) one (cooling herself back down) --one little job, and you let a little girl take my chakram!

GABRIELLE (smiles teasingly):
     Come on, Xena. I think it's kind of sweet. Big bad God of War can't take a chakram from a little girl.

Ares makes a face at Gabrielle.

ARES:
     Next time I see the little banshee, I'll zap first and ask questions later.

Xena steps between them, as if they were two children fighting.

XENA (taking a deep breath):
     All right. We're going to find this child and we're going to get my chakram back. Period. End of story. Got it?

ARES:
     We?

XENA (innocently):
     Now, Ares, you aren't scared of that little girl, are you?

ARES (mock glare):
     Let's go.

CUT TO

A wide shot of a lonely farmhouse on a hilltop, surrounded by fields, at dusk.

CUT TO

Exterior view of a the farmhouse up close. Xena, Gabrielle, and Ares walk up to the house and knock on the door. After a few moments there is the sound of someone coming to the door. The door opens and a blond woman in her late twenties, in peasant garb, comes to the door. It's Annabel's mother.

MOTHER (surprised):
     Can I help you?

GABRIELLE (smiles):
     Sorry to bother you, ma'am--does a little girl named Annabel live here?

MOTHER:
     Yes, she's my daughter--I was just about to put her to bed. (nervously) Why, is something wrong?

GABRIELLE:
     I'm afraid your daughter has something that belongs to my friend. It's a metal disc she picked up on the beach--actually, it's a weapon and could be very dangerous, so if you could just--

MOTHER (looking concerned, turns back and raises her voice):
     Annabel! Come here a minute.

Pan over as Annabel, looking as sweet and innocent as can be, comes out from inside the house and stands next to her mother.

ANNABEL:
     Yes, mommy?

MOTHER:
     Did you pick up some kind of a metal disc on the beach?

ANNABEL (completely innocent):
     Why no, mommy--you know I would never pick up anything on the beach, you've told me not to.

MOTHER:
     Are you sure? You know, if you have it, it's better if you--

Annabel suddenly wails and clutches at her mother's skirt.

MOTHER (alarmed):
     What's wrong?

ANNABEL (pointing at Ares):
     Mommy, that man was on the beach today! He said he'd give me candy if I would get into his chariot!

The mother's eyes go wide, as she looks at Ares in disgust. Ares is speechless. Unseen by her mother, Annabel sticks out her tongue at him.

MOTHER:
     I don't know what this is, but I want you out of here at once!

XENA (shakes her head):
     No, wait, she--

MOTHER (yelling):
     Do not make me get my husband!

She slams the door in their faces as we hear bolt after bolt locking inside.

Xena, Gabrielle, and Ares just stand frozen on the spot.

ARES (sarcastic, mimicking Xena):
     What, you can't handle one little girl?

A tapping sound is heard. Xena, Ares and Gabrielle look to a window in the side of the cottage. There's Annabel, smiling sweetly, tapping the chakram on the windowpane.

XENA (jaw dropping):
     That little--

GABRIELLE:
     Xena! She's just a child.

ARES:
     So...what now?

XENA (stabs her finger into the air, seriously pissed off):
     All right. I have beaten gods, warlords and kings. I am not going to be defeated by a six-year-old.

She pauses for a moment, then turns away from the cottage and begins walking away.

GABRIELLE (to Ares):
     You think she has a plan?

ARES:
     I hope she does.

CUT TO

Later. A moonlit night. Xena, Gabrielle, and Ares are all crouched down in some bushes near the farmhouse.

GABRIELLE:
     It just doesn't seem...right.

XENA (in an angry whisper):
     Gabrielle, that little b-- (off Gabrielle's reproachful look, restrains herself) --banshee's got my chakram in there. I've been chasing it all day and I'm getting a little tired of always being one step behind it. At this rate, it's going to be in Jappa by next week. And believe me, I have no intention of going back there. So I'm getting it back--right--now.

GABRIELLE (unsure):
     I don't know... I mean, it's kind of like breaking in.

XENA (turns to Ares):
     No, more like zapping in. That's all we have to do. You get in--grab the chakram--get back out.

ARES (nervously):
     What if the kid wakes up?

XENA (amused):
     Oh, don't worry, Ares. Gabrielle and I will come and save you.

ARES (scowls):
     You're trying to embarrass me into doing this little job, aren't you? (off Xena's innocent look) Okay, fine. I'll do it. But you owe me.

XENA (teasing):
     I owe you what?

ARES (smirks):
     Oh--maybe a nice war or two.

XENA (smirks back at him):
     I'm sure we'll figure something out.

GABRIELLE (losing patience):
     Can you two cut the banter and just get it over with?

ARES:
     Right.

He vanishes in a burst of light. A flash of blue light is seen inside the window where we saw Annabel before.

XENA (sighs):
     Well, this has been one long day.

NELL THE NASTY (off-screen):
     It's not over yet, Warrior Princess.

Pan to Nell the Nasty, with Barcanor and the other three thugs behind her. Pan back to Xena and Gabrielle, who look utterly exasperated.

GABRIELLE:
     I don't believe this.

NELL THE NASTY (menacingly):
     You don't just knock me out and walk away.

Xena rolls her eyes, and stands up to face Nell and her boys.

XENA:
     Nell. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I really don't want to beat the stuffing out of you guys yet again.

NELL THE NASTY (drawing her sword):
     No, Xena! We end this here and now.

The thugs all growl, grunt and snarl evilly as they advance on Xena and Gabrielle.

MINYA (off-screen):
     Hold on, Xena! I'm coming!!!!!

Minya comes running onto the scene--actually, more like hobbling at a really fast pace. She steps in front of Xena and Gabrielle, cracking her mighty whip.

XENA (open-mouthed with shock):
     Minya?

MINYA (to Xena, in a stage whisper):
     It's Sheena. (growling at Nell) I could smell your stench a mile away, Nell. When I saw you following Xena, I knew she might need my help.

Pan over to Xena and Gabrielle, both in a state of shock. Gabrielle drops her head, pressing a hand to her forehead.

GABRIELLE (faintly):
     Xena--remember I told you about that weird underwater dream I had with Joxer and the sea-creature children?

XENA (pained):
     Uh, yeah?

GABRIELLE:
     This is worse.

CUT TO

Annabel's room. In the moonlight, we can see that it looks like a mini-temple of Aphrodite, with lots of cushions, flowers and dolls.

Close-up of the chakram lying on a small bedside table. Pan to Annabel curled up in her bed, sleeping peacefully.

Suddenly, the chakram moves and rises from the bedside table, floating in mid-air.

Annabel opens her eyes and notices the floating chakram. She screams. Ares becomes visible in a flash of light, holding tightly to the chakram. Startled by her screaming, he stumbles and falls backwards on top of the girl's rocking horse and toy box.

ANNABEL (screaming at the top of her lungs):
     You're not my mommy!

CUT TO

Outside the cottage. Xena and Gabrielle both turn their heads at Annabel's scream. Before they can do anything, the thugs charge them.

XENA:
     A-la-la-la-la--cheee-ya!

The thugs freeze, startled. Xena does a backflip and slams her boots into Barcanor and another thug. As they fall down, they knock down their two brothers who are still standing.

Pan to Minya as she swings her whip around at Nell, who does her best to dodge it.

NELL THE NASTY (yelling):
     Stay out of this, Minya--this is between Xena and me!

MINYA (growling):
     You mess with Xena, you mess with me.

Ares materializes outside the cottage, chakram in his hand.

ARES (grinning):
     Look what I got.

On the word "got," Minya's whip flies through the air and wraps itself around the chakram. Quick pan to Minya as she pulls the whip back, quite unaware of her catch--her eyes are still on Nell--and yanks the chakram out of Ares' hand. The chakram flies off the end of the whip and into a tree behind Nell.

Nell knocks over Minya and dives for the chakram. Xena leaps toward the chakram, flipping in the air--but, being much closer, Nell actually gets it first. With a wicked laugh, she takes of running, with Xena on her trail.

Cue in rapid music from the farcical chase scene in the caves in The Quill Is Mightier. {1.35 MB} (Right-click or Ctrl-click sound icon to save file)

The door of the cottage opens and Annabel's parents stand on the threshold. They quickly survey the scene, then duck inside. Sound effects of the door being bolted shut.

Minya scrambles to her feet, groaning.

Xena catches up with Nell and tackles her. As she goes down, Nell gives the chakram a kick and sends it rolling fast down the hill. Xena wants to go after it but Nell has a death grip on her hair.

XENA:
     Nell! Don't make me beat you up!

Growling, Nell snaps her teeth at Xena's ear. The two women tumble to the ground.

Gabrielle starts running toward Xena but doesn't notice Minya, who starts running in the same direction too. The two women collide; Minya clutches at Gabrielle as she falls, taking Gabrielle down with her.

Barcanor, now back on his feet, jumps right over them and takes off after the chakram.

Pan to Ares, who shakes his head incredulously.

The camera follows the chakram as it rolls rapidly down the hill. Barcanor runs after it while Xena is still trying to free herself from Nell's grip without using excessive force on the old woman. Finally, she manages to push off Nell and get to her feet.

CUT TO

A country road at the bottom of the hill. The salesman we saw before is walking in the moonlight by the side of his donkey and cart.

Rolling downhill, the chakram bounces off a stone, flies through the air and lands on the ground right in front of the salesman, whose eyes widen in fear. He screams and takes off running.

Barcanor comes running down the hill, pounces on the chakram and grabs it, holding it up in the air.

BARCANOR (shouting):
     Victoryyyyyyy!

Xena comes running down the hill after him.

XENA (yells furiously):
     Give it back!

Barcanor takes off running. Xena continues to run downhill, with Gabrielle tailing Xena, the other three thugs running after Gabrielle, Nell running after them swinging her sword, and Minya running after her swinging her whip.

CUT TO

Further down the road. The salesman is still running for dear life away from the chakram when Barcanor comes running behind him holding the chakram in the air.

SALESMAN (shouting in fear):
     No! please! I don't want it!

XENA:
     Chee-yah!

She flips in the air and kicks Barcanor in the back, knocking him down on the ground. As he falls, he drops the chakram. Xena bends down and grabs it, overjoyed.

GABRIELLE (comes running up to Xena):
     You got it!

Behind her the other three thugs come running down that path. This time Xena's ready for them.

XENA (teasingly):
     You want it?

She hurls the chakram towards them; it knocks the clubs out of their hands, then bounces off a couple of trees, slices the top off Nell's sword, swishes past Minya, bounces off another tree and makes its way back to Xena as she extends her arm and grabs it, pulling it close and blowing on the blade.

Nell drops to her knees and pounds her fists on the ground in frustration.

Gabrielle gives a smile of relief.

A sound of applause behind Xena. She turns and sees Ares standing behind her.

ARES:
     So you finally got it back. (grins) Admit it, Xena, you couldn't have done it without me.

XENA (raises an eyebrow):
     Right. No way I could have handled (teasing) Annabel on my own.

ARES (dryly):
     Don't underestimate Annabel.

Xena smiles and looks down at the chakram and then back up at Ares, moving in a little closer.

XENA (teasingly):
     Well, technically, I'm the one who got it back. But thanks anyway.

She moves closer to him.

ARES (playing along):
     Technically, I'm the one who gave it to you in the first place.

They laugh and start moving in for a kiss when suddenly, Minya's whip flies between them. Ares jumps back.

MINYA (yells):
     Beat it, Ares!

ARES (taken aback):
     What are you doing?!

Minya walks up to him.

MINYA:
     Get it through your thick skull, Ares! Xena will never be your Warrior Queen. (preens) And neither will I. (She looks over Ares and hesitates, tilting her head coyly) Then again...

Ares looks helplessly at Xena as she shrugs slightly and smiles, as if to say, "what can I do."

ARES:
     You know, I just remembered I have to be--as far away from here as I can.

He and Xena exchange an amused look just before he vanishes in a flash of light.

In the background, Nell the Nasty can be seen chasing after her sons, waving her fists and screaming.

MINYA (grins):
     We showed him, huh? He never learns. Always trying to seduce butt-kicking chicks like you and me. (She gives Xena a hard slap on the shoulder) Well, Xena--it's been great fighting at your side again!

XENA:
     Minya-- (off Minya's hurt look) Sheena. It was good to see you again. Say hi to Hower for me.

MINYA:
     I sure will. Well, I should be going. (to Gabrielle) When you write this story down, don't you forget--it's Sheena.

GABRIELLE:
     Um...sure. Good-bye... Sheena.

Minya walks off. Xena and Gabrielle look after her.

In the background, Nell is still chasing after her boys. She stumbles and falls with a yell.

GABRIELLE:
     This is one for the scrolls, for sure. What a story. First your chakram gets picked up by a dog, then a kid throws it in the river, then a fisherman fishes it out and sells to a traveling salesman...

XENA:
     Who sells it to a (raises an eyebrow) Xena Gift Shop...

GABRIELLE:
     ...which sells it to Minya, who throws it at some thugs who gives it to their psycho mom, who throws it off a cliff...

XENA:
     And then it gets picked up by a child who makes Callisto look like a follower of Eli.

GABRIELLE:
     And then--

She's interrupted by Thug #2 who comes up to them, looking rather sheepish.

THUG #2 (to Xena):
     Excuse me, ma'am. I know we've been a lot of trouble and all, but...could you help get Mom to a healer?

XENA:
     What's wrong?

THUG #2:
     She tripped--I think she might have broken her hip.

XENA (sighs):
     Let me see what I can do.

CUT TO

Some time later. Xena (the chakram now on her side where it belongs) finishes setting Nell's leg while Gabrielle, Barcanor and the other three thugs look on. When she's done, she jabs her fingers into Nell's thigh.

XENA:
     I've taken off the pinch, so it's going to hurt. You better get to a healer and get her something for pain relief. (She gets up and looks sternly at the thugs) You won't be causing any more trouble, will you now?

THUGS (in a disjointed chorus):
     No ma'am.

XENA:
     Good. (turns to Nell the Nasty, trying to be conciliatory) Nell...

Nell snarls at her. Giving up, Xena shrugs and turns to Gabrielle.

XENA:
     Let's go, Gabrielle.

They start walking away.

GABRIELLE:
     Well, you got your chakram back, that's all that matters. (pauses, smiling) I'm glad you helped out Nell.

XENA:
     It was the right thing to do.

The camera pans back on Nell the Nasty, as she watches the duo walk away.

NELL THE NASTY (growling):
     The right thing to do? (sneers) That's what they think.

The four thugs exchange worried looks while the camera zooms in on Nell's demented evil grin, and the audience fervently hopes never to see her again, as we:

FADE OUT

THE END

[Xena's chakram was not damaged during the production of this motion picture. Ares, however, is still traumatized by his encounter with The Bad Seed.]

Xena: Warrior Princess Shipper Seasons Season 9 Episode 2 Lost and Found Story By: Ryan Written By: Ryan Edited By: LadyKate Collage By: Aurora Images Gathered By: Aurora Cast Xena Lucy Lawless Gabrielle Renee O 'Connor Ares Kevin Smith Minya Alison Wall Nell the Nasty Lisa Chappell Barcnor Ray Charrn Annabel Julie Rylon Original Airdate February 22, 2005 Xena's chakram was not damaged during the production of this motion picture. Ares, however, is still traumatized by his encounter with The Bad Seed. DEDICATED TO KEVIN SMITH All characters and storylines that have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess are a copyright and trademark of Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement was intended during the writing of this script. All original characters and storylines are a copyright of the respective authors and of the Shipper Seasons. No script may be reproduced on a website elsewhere without the author's consent. © Shipper Seasons www.shipperseasons.com

This script is provided by GDev Resources.