FADE IN

A road. Xena and Gabrielle are riding on horseback toward a large walled city with the setting sun as its backdrop. Darion is riding in the saddle with Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE:
     I can't believe we're going to Ariadne's wedding with that clown.

XENA:
     Not if we can do something about it, we're not.

GABRIELLE:
     Meaning what?

XENA:
     There won't be a wedding to go to.

DARION:
     Why not? Weddings are fun.

GABRIELLE:
     Except when the girl is marrying the wrong guy. (sighs) I wish we could find Cyril. (gives Xena an uncertain look) Maybe Aphrodite--

XENA (curtly):
     Aphrodite better stay out of this or she's liable to do more damage.

DARION:
     I like Aphrodite. Hey, Gabrielle, you're going to tell me some more stories about her, aren't you?

XENA (throws a sharp look at him):
     Can we discuss a more pleasant subject? Like the snake-haired Gorgon?

GABRIELLE:
     Oh, come on, Xena. Aphrodite meant well.

XENA:
     So did the Gorgon. I bet when she turned people into stone, it was just her way of trying her hand at sculpture.

GABRIELLE:
     You know, you never get this pis- (glances at Darion) uh, annoyed at Ares when he messes up.

XENA:
     Ares is supposed to do damage. That's his job.

DARION:
     Can I have his job when I grow up?

XENA (gives Gabrielle a teasing look):
     Looking for a male role model, huh?

CUT TO

The edge of a village. A group of men and women in peasant garb, carrying various farming tools, are coming back from the fields. Among them is Cyril, with a rake on his shoulder. The camera follows him as he walks toward a small hut, puts the rake down by the wall, and goes inside the hut.

It is half-dark inside. Suddenly, there is a flash of golden light and a "whoosh," and in the next moment Aphrodite is sitting on a rickety chair.

APHRODITE:
     Kinda sad, isn't it--to waste your humanity on this?

CYRIL (snaps):
     Leave me alone, Aphrodite. All I want is to have a quiet ordinary life. No princesses. Certainly no goddesses.

APHRODITE (not fazed in the least):
     You know, you're cute when you're angry. Come to think of it, you're always cute.

CYRIL (with bitter resignation):
     Okay, Aphrodite. What game do you want to play now?

APHRODITE:
     Really, I just want to help. (gives Cyril a mischievous look) Are you sure you're really in love? If you were, I think you would have totally lost your head and just kissed the girl back there in the tavern. You would have been like--Who cares what happens next? What's with being so sensible? (Off his glare) All right, all right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't tease you. Look, you're not really going to let the poor girl go ahead and marry that-- (pauses, looking for a word) --that. Are you?

CYRIL:
     What am I supposed to do?

APHRODITE:
     D'oh! Tell her the truth.

CYRIL:
     And that's going to make her feel better?

APHRODITE:
     Better than thinking she fell in love with a pig.

CYRIL:
     No, she fell in love with a dog. What a relief.

APHRODITE:
     Look, it's going to make her feel better. Trust me on this one, okay?

CYRIL (visibly wavering):
     How am I supposed to get to her?

APHRODITE:
     Honey, don't forget, you're talking to a goddess.

CYRIL (bitterly):
     As if I could forget that.

APHRODITE:
     Awww...that was mean! (looks upset for a moment but quickly recovers) Come on! Xena and Gabrielle are on their way to town. I'll take you there. The girls will find a way to help you out.

CUT TO

Xena, Gabrielle and Darion in a room at an inn. There is a knock on the door. Gabrielle goes to the door. When she opens it, Cyril stands in the doorway.

GABRIELLE (smiles joyfully):
     Cyril!

He gives her a wan smile.

CUT TO

A richly decorated room at the palace where Xena and Gabrielle are waiting. Polemos comes in.

POLEMOS (overjoyed):
     Xena! Gabrielle! It's so good to see you.

XENA:
     Hello, Polemos.

GABRIELLE:
     How are you?

POLEMOS:
     Not too good. (Shakes his head) This wedding... The girl is as stubborn as a mu- (he bites his tongue, obviously mindful that he's talking about the princess) She's very stubborn, anyway. She's got it into her head that she has to fulfill her vow and go through with the marriage. None of us have been able to talk her out of it. But we can all see that it's killing her. (Sighs mournfully) And then, too, we have to deal with this tyrant...

GABRIELLE (surprised):
     Tyrant? King Nestor?

POLEMOS (hastily):
     No, no--not the king! I'm talking about Captain Mopsus. General Mopsus, these days. When the king saw that the poor girl was determined to marry him, he made Mopsus a general. Well, between being engaged to the princess and being granted a general's title, it all really went to his head. And the wedding is tomorrow...

XENA:
     No, it isn't. Polemos, can you arrange for us to talk to Ariadne?

POLEMOS:
     I will. I hope you can do something, because otherwise.... (he shakes his head) Wait here.

Polemos leaves.

XENA:
     If we can just get Ariadne to see Cyril, she'll call off this ridiculous wedding.

GABRIELLE (sadly):
     I think she will...but what happens to her and Cyril?

XENA (her face turns grim):
     I'm not sure anyone can find a way out of that one, Gabrielle.

Gabrielle ponders this for a moment. Then, her eyes sparkle--she has obviously gotten an idea.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena--

XENA:
     What?

GABRIELLE:
     Remember when Aphrodite enchanted the scroll and it messed everything up--

XENA:
     Oh yeah. (teasing) The three nay--nay--the three Gabrielles in the really ugly hats.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena, this is serious. Remember how you found a way to undo the magic?

XENA:
     I asked you to write down exactly what was happening, without making anything up.

GABRIELLE:
     No, no. Before that--

Before she can finish, the doors are thrown open. General Mopsus is standing in the doorway, with about a dozen guards behind him.

MOPSUS:
     Well, well. Xena. One of the servants told me you and that back-stabber Polemos are plotting to stop my marriage.

XENA (unflappable):
     Captain Mopsus.

MOPSUS (yells, his face even redder than usual with anger):
     That's General Mopsus to you!

XENA (smirking):
     No, no. You may be General Mopsus to everyone else. Me, I don't even know how you got to be captain.

MOPSUS (even more enraged):
     Arrest these women!

He charges at Xena. Xena punches him out and he staggers back, knocking down four of the guards behind him. They roll about in a tangled heap on the floor trying to get up.

XENA:
     Works every time.

The other guards attack Xena and Gabrielle. One of them charges Gabrielle with a sword; she repels the attack with her sais and then hits him on the head with the hilt of a sai, knocking him out, while at the same time downing another attacker with a kick.

Meanwhile, Xena punches out one of her attackers and kicks the sword out of another's hand, then sends him staggering back with another kick. He sprawls in a large cushioned armchair.

XENA:
     At least you got a good seat.

Another guard comes up behind her but she throws a backward punch, getting him right in the nose.

While Gabrielle is fighting off two more guards, Mopsus and the other four who were taken down with him are getting back on their feet. Xena steps back to get a running start, then somersaults over them so that she is now behind them. She grabs two of the guards, knocking their heads together, and then shoves them at their comrades. Mopsus goes down again with a frustrated yell.

XENA (to Gabrielle):
     Are you done yet?

The only guard still left standing charges at Gabrielle. She dodges him so that the momentum carries him past her, then delivers a kick to his behind that makes him fall on his face.

GABRIELLE:
     I am now.

She catches up with Xena at the door and they run out of the room.

MOPSUS (sits up and yells):
      After them!

CUT TO

The hallway. As Xena and Gabrielle stop and look around, another large group of guards comes running toward them.

GABRIELLE:
     I think we'd better get out of here for now.

They run, with the guards after them. Mopsus gets back on his feet, though he seems a little wobbly, and runs after the guards.

Xena stops for a moment and throws her chakram at a large chandelier that hangs from the ceiling. The chandelier falls, landing on top of the guards. Several of them collapse in a heap, blocking the way for the others, who run into them and fall down as well in a chain reaction.

Xena catches the chakram and smirks at Mopsus, who limps up behind the heap of guards flailing about on the floor.

MOPSUS (yells):
     You'll never get to see the princess anyway... or the king! The Fates have decreed that I should marry the princess!

XENA:
     You could be right. The Fates have always had a twisted sense of humor.

GABRIELLE (looks on as some of the guards start getting up):
     Uh, Xena--can we save the witty one-liners for later?

XENA:
     Good idea.

They race down the hallway.

CUT TO

The room at the inn. Xena stands leaning against the wall, Gabrielle is sitting on one of the beds and Aphrodite on another. Cyril paces nervously about the room. Darion is in a corner playing.

GABRIELLE:
     It's not going to be easy. The palace is heavily guarded--Mopsus knows we're going to try to crash the wedding.

APHRODITE:
     Hey, you know I could just zap--

XENA (gives her a curt look):
     No thanks, I think you've done enough zapping. Gabrielle, remember when we were here years ago, helping King Nestor with his sister's little problem?

GABRIELLE:
     Yeah?

XENA:
     Remember how she used to sneak out of the palace through a secret passage to go to those gambling dens?

GABRIELLE:
     Yeah, but the king had it sealed, didn't he?

XENA (smirks):
     Don't worry, I'll find a way to unseal it.

CYRIL (stops pacing and looks back and forth between Xena, Gabrielle and Aphrodite):
     Okay, so I get to see her and I tell her the truth. And then what? We part forever? Or stay together and never once kiss?

XENA (suddenly remembers):
     Wait a minute. Gabrielle--you said something before about how, back when Aphrodite enchanted your scroll, I found a way to undo the spell.

GABRIELLE (her eyes light up):
     Yeah! You asked Aphrodite to tell you exactly what words she used to cast the spell. So I was thinking--

XENA (interrupts):
     All right, Aphrodite, this may be your chance to fix this mess. What exactly did you say when you cast the spell?

APHRODITE:
     When you receive a kiss of love
     From a princess of royal blood,
     A kiss of love that's true and steadfast,
     To your true form you'll return at last.
(off Gabrielle's wince, defensively) What? At least it rhymes...sorta.

XENA:
     Hold on. (she thinks for a moment) Okay...this may work. (the corners of her mouth curve up in a slight smile)

CYRIL (backs away a step, slightly alarmed):
     What may work?

XENA:
     I'll tell you later--come on! Aphrodite, you stay here with Darion.

DARION (looks up):
     So there's not going to be a wedding?

XENA (smiles):
     With luck, there may be. Eventually.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT THREE