7.17 Bare Necessities

ACT FOUR

FADE IN

Gabrielle, Virgil and Eve look curiously at the stone tablet in Xena's hands, then all look up at each other.

VIRGIL:
     What's a whiteleaf?

EVE:
     It's an herb--common around these parts. We ran into some back in the forest, actually, a whole patch.

XENA:
     Do you think you could find it again?

EVE:
     One step ahead of you. (takes out a pouch) I collected some this morning to refill my supply.

XENA (ten signs that your child is on drugs):
     What were you going to do with a supply of herbs?

EVE (laughs):
     Brew tea.

XENA (relieved):
     Oh.

EVE:
     ...And smoke them behind the tool shed while you're not looking.

XENA:
     Eve!

Gabrielle and Eve burst out laughing, Virgil gives Xena a sympathetic look.

CUT TO

Morning, the sun has just come up. Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve are walking out of the village and into the forest. Xena is wearing only an animal skin; Gabrielle and Eve are fully clothed. Gabrielle is carrying a large woven net and Eve is carrying the pouch of herbs.

CUT TO

The three of them reach the lake where they had seen the guivre before.

XENA:
     All we have to do now is wait.

After waiting near the lake for several minutes, they see a shadow of the guivre slithering through the forest behind some bushes. Xena backs up near the lake edge, Gabrielle hides behind a large tree near the lake and Eve follows her example.

The guivre slithers toward the lake, not seeing Xena yet, the creature seems quite calm. Soon, it spots Xena standing near the lake. It rears its head and proceeds to open its mouth; prepared to release its diseased breath. Xena quickly glances over at Eve and Gabrielle and nods; they nod back, ready.

Xena and the guivre

Just before the guivre releases its deadly breath, Xena drops the fur covering from her body, leaving her completely naked. The guivre sinks back, coiling itself, an expression of embarrassment on its face.

Gabrielle and Eve quietly walk out from behind the tree. While the guivre is distracted and about to flee, Gabrielle throws the net over the guivre's head and it rears back, surprised. It struggles to break free of the netting and as it does so, it releases its plague breath. Eve hurries toward it, avoiding the plague that hangs in the air, and throws the pouch of herbs into its open mouth.

The guivre gulps, then begins to shakes wildly; Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve stand back. After several seconds of wiggling, the guivre rears up and gives an enormous belch in Xena's direction--but it is no longer plague-laden.

XENA (breathes):
     Minty-fresh.

The guivre looks rather pleased about that. It tries to breathe again, then, satisfied, slithers away. Xena, Gabrielle and Eve look on, amazed.

GABRIELLE:
     That was some powerful stuff, Eve.

The three of them sigh in relief; Xena covers herself back up with the fur. Then they hear clapping and quickly turn to one side to see Ares standing there with a grin on his face.

ARES:
     Xena, sometimes it's a sheer pleasure to watch you at work. If we ever have a guivre infestation on Olympus, I'll know whom to call. (disappears)

CUT TO

The village. Xena, Gabrielle and Eve return and are surrounded by a group of villagers.

VILLAGE MAN #1:
     Did you kill it? Is it dead?

XENA:
     No.

A big sigh of disappointment--the villagers look dejected.

GABRIELLE:
     Wait! We haven't killed the guivre, but we've found a way to make it harmless.

VILLAGE WOMAN #1 (sounds very doubtful):
     Harmless?

XENA:
     Years ago, a wise man from another village found out the guivre's secret. Its poisonous breath is neutralized if you feed it whiteleaf. If he was right, the effect should last for about a year. My daughter will show you where best to find the herb.

VILLAGE MAN #1 (skeptical):
     So once a year, we're supposed to feed some herb to a deadly monster? What if it decides that the person trying to feed it will make for a much tastier snack?

GABRIELLE:
     If you have any trouble with the guivre, there's a way to deal with it. You have to... (she stumbles and blushes a little)

VILLAGE WOMAN #1:
     You have to what?

XENA (smirking):
     You have to take your clothes off. If there's one thing that scares the guivre, it's a naked human body.

The villagers break out into laughter but they still seem a little uncertain.

VILLAGE MAN #2:
     We're grateful for your help, Xena, but wouldn't it be better to just kill the thing?

GABRIELLE:
     Not at all. If you think about it, the guivre can actually be very useful to your village. Now that it's no longer dangerous, you can spread the word about the unique and fascinating creature that lives in these parts. Curiosity seekers will flock from far and wide to take a look, and they are sure to spend a lot of money in the local shops and taverns...

XENA:
     In other words, a great tourist attraction.

VASILIS (grimly):
     Great news. Unfortunately, it may be too late for my sister...she shows no signs of getting better.

EVE:
     This could help! (holds up the pouch with herbs) If the whiteleaf could rid the guivre's breath of its venom, maybe it can also cure someone who has been poisoned by its breath. (she walks resolutely toward the house) I'll prepare a potion.

CUT TO

The town square is bathed in sunlight. There is a man near the well, holding a big sign near that reads, "Pat the Guivre--only 2 dinars!" A crowd of onlookers gasps when the guivre's head appears out of the well. One brave man comes up and touches the guivre's head. The creature looks flattered by the attention, then disappears back into the well; the villagers cheer. The man pays his two dinars and steps away.

GABRIELLE (to Xena):
     I think we've just put Messene on the map.

Eve and Virgil come up to them, Eve is holding a mug with a picture of the guivre on it.

EVE (holds it up):
     Souvenir.

XENA (wryly):
     Not just any map, Gabrielle--it's probably got a huge picture of the guivre in all its plague-breathing glory on the back.

VIRGIL:
     As a matter of fact...

He unrolls the scroll he's carrying to show that it's a map--and turns it over. It does, indeed, have a stylized guivre drawn on it.

MAN'S VOICE (off-screen):
     Gabrielle!

Gabrielle turns to see several burly men hurrying towards her. The one who called her name is carrying a suit of armor; another behind him is carrying gauntlets and boots. The armor is made of fine brown leather, with tooled bronze patterns over it.

MAN #2:
     It's ready.

GABRIELLE:
     Oh! Oh, wow...

She takes the armor and holds it to herself, then exchanges a happy look with Xena and Eve, before turning to examine it.

MAN #2:
     It's a gift from our village. The least we could do for all your help.

GABRIELLE:
     Oh--thank you!

The men nod, pleased, and walk away.

VIRGIL:
     Well, that was thoughtful of them!

XENA:
     M-hm.

GABRIELLE (suspiciously):
     What?

XENA (hiding a grin):
     Turn it over.

Gabrielle turns the cuirass so that the back piece is visible. On it, there is a prominent metallic decoration--a guivre.

GABRIELLE:
     Hm. I guess I'll be making a statement in that.

XENA:
     Yep. "Made in Messene". It might deter enemies.

GABRIELLE (smiles slowly):
     Yeah!

The four of them start to walk further into the village.

GABRIELLE:
     So. When I record this little adventure in a scroll, what should the moral of the story be?

XENA:
     I'm not sure. Modesty isn't always the best policy?

GABRIELLE (groans a little):
     Just as long as you don't say anything about the naked truth...

XENA:
     Maybe it's that a dragon can be good for the local economy if you know how to approach it.

GABRIELLE:
     Maybe it's the importance of having fresh breath.

VIRGIL:
     Say, I'm still not clear on one thing. How did Hercules manage to slay the other guivres?

GABRIELLE:
     One of the villagers remembers hearing stories that he wrestled them naked.

XENA (rolls her eyes):
     Now they tell us.

GABRIELLE:
     What if only a naked person can kill the guivre? Maybe that's why this one is so afraid of nudity...

XENA (with a little smile):
     Hercules isn't that scary in the nude.

GABRIELLE (darts a quick look at her):
     I hope Ares didn't hear that.

Xena smirks.

EVE (pensively):
     Do you think it was wrong for Hercules to destroy all the guivres like that?

XENA:
     Hercules was trying to help the people around here. He didn't know what else to do.

GABRIELLE:
     Sometimes, finding a better way to solve the problem is just a matter of being lucky.

XENA (thoughtfully):
     Now there's something you can put down in your scroll...

A wide shot of the four of them from the back as they walk down the street.

Guivre

Then, the camera pans over and zooms in on the well, the guivre sticking its head out of it as we:

FADE OUT

THE END

[Xena and Ares had a "kodak moment" in the cave during the production of this motion picture.]



















Xena: Warrior Princess
Shipper Seasons
Season 7

Episode 17
Bare Necessities


Story By: Aurora
Written By: Aurora
Edited By: Amber, LadyKate and Tango
Story Inspired By: Maureen
Collage By: Aurora
Images Gathered By: Aurora


Cast

XenaLucy Lawless
GabrielleRenee O'Connor
EveAdrienne Wilkinson
Ares
Kevin Smith
VirgilWilliam Gregory Lee
Dragon SlayerJohn Reed
HealerCatharine Cox
InnkeeperDaniel Hill
VasilisJustin Alson
Young WomanShannon Remington
Man #1Travis Peavler
Man #2Chad Nickel
Woman #1Nicole Green
Woman #2Ashley Simmons
Villager Man #1Conrad Irigoyen
Village Man #2Tyler Renfro
Villager Woman #1Lucy Castra



Original Airdate

April 13, 2002


Xena and Ares had a "kodak moment" in the cave during the production of this motion picture.






DEDICATED TO
KEVIN SMITH





All characters and storylines that have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess are a copyright and trademark of Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No infringement was intended during the writing of this script. All original characters and storylines are a copyright of the respective authors and of the Shipper Seasons. No script may be reproduced on a website elsewhere without the author's consent.




© Shipper Seasons
www.shipperseasons.com











Start

Stop

Top

Speed

This script is provided by GDev Resources.

Important Tips Before Viewing Credits: Choose the scrolling speed from the "Speed" button before pressing "Start". Pressing "Start" first before choosing the speed will result in the script running faster in Netscape and Firefox than in Internet Explorer (because the browsers interpret the speed differently). So, for best results, choose "m" (for medium) before running the script and then press "Start". To replay the credits after they have completed, you must choose "Top" (to return the script to the beginning) and then press "Start". Pressing "Start" multiple times will speed up the scrolling and pressing "Stop" multiple times will slow it down.