TEASER

FADE IN

[MONTAGE OF PREVIOUS EPISODE]

ANNOUNCER:
     Previously on Xena...

GABRIELLE (looks at Xena thoughtfully):
     Are you implying that we should help the gods?

XENA (uncertain):
     I don't know. They tormented mankind for centuries--who's to say they won't carry on?

CUT TO

ARES:
     You know what this is, don't you?

XENA:
     The entrance to Tartarus and beyond that...Hell.

ARES:
     The gods are down there--my family.

Xena looks away regretfully.

ARES:
     All my life they had treated me as if I was a disease. I had become the pariah of Olympus; they didn't care about me and I didn't care about them. But now that they're gone...

Looks at the cave then back at Xena.

ARES:
     ...I guess I do miss them, a little.

CUT TO

XENA (grimly):
     Michael's not getting away with this little number, not if I can help it.

CUT TO

There are little glass spheres floating in the air, like jars with fireflies inside; each one glowing with a different color--gold, green, blue, orange and others.

CUT TO

Xena crosses a bridge, Eve, Gabrielle, and Ares follow, holding onto the ropes on the side of the bridge, trying not to lose their balance.

CUT TO

EVE:
     They're so deep inside their own nightmares that they have lost their sense of self, their sense of reality.

CUT TO

ZEUS (walks up to Ares):
     Son...

CUT TO

ARES:
     Guess that means you don't hate me at the moment, right?

Athena makes a noise partway between a laugh and a sob.

ATHENA:
     Thank you, Ares. I mean that.

CUT TO

EVE:
     The gods are free. (she smiles) I hope they take advantage of their second chance at life and use it wisely.

[END OF MONTAGE]

A tranquil forest. Birds chirp in the trees, a deer and her fawn slowly walk up to a crystal clear brook, bending down to take a drink. Chipmunks scurry on the forest floor, gathering nuts and berries.

CUT TO

Close up of Xena's face. She seems fearful and distressed. The camera slowly moves back to reveal her tied to a tree. She is struggling against her bonds, trying to free her hands. At length, she stops and leans her head back against the tree, closing her eyes. A lone tear runs down her cheek.

A branch cracks to one side. Xena's eyes fly open, she looks towards the noise. The camera pans right to show Ares rushing towards Xena. He draws his sword. Terrified, Xena begins to struggle again, but it's too late--the blade swishes through the air and...cuts the ropes.

Joyfully, Xena flies into his arms. He sweeps her up...

GABRIELLE:
     Andromeda! The rescue of Andromeda!

Zoom out to show Gabrielle and Eve sitting on the ground.

ARES (still holding Xena):
     Hey! We were just getting to the best part.

XENA:
     All right, they got it. (after a pause) Ares?

ARES (innocently):
     What?

XENA:
     You can set me down now.

Ares does so. Xena removes the cut ropes from around her body.

EVE:
     That was way too easy.

ARES:
     May I remind you that you thought Xena was meant to be Prometheus?

EVE (smirks):
     Only because you would've been perfect as the flesh-eating eagle.

ARES:
     I think I finally understand why you're not allowed to speak in this game.

GABRIELLE:
     Actually, it's so that we can listen out for an ambush.

ARES:
     Or for a villager hurtling through the forest, yelling "Xena!" at the top of his voice?

GABRIELLE:
     He could yell "Gabrielle."

MAN (running toward them shouting):
     Xena! Xena!

Ares gives Gabrielle a smug look.

XENA:
     Come on.

The man runs up to them and stops, trying to catch his breath. Xena walks up to him, Gabrielle, Ares and Eve follow.

XENA:
     What is it?

MAN (breathing heavily):
     My town...it needs help, Xena.

ARES:
     Gee, what a surprise.

Xena elbows him, Ares pretends it hurt.

XENA:
     Help with what? Warlords? Monsters?

MAN:
     The gods.

EVE (surprised):
     What?

XENA:
     That'd be right.

MAN:
     Hera and Athena. (pleading) You have to save us, Xena. We're counting on you.

GABRIELLE:
     Wait a second--calm down. What are Hera and Athena doing?

MAN:
     Come and see for yourselves, before it's too late. Please. (to the whole group) We need all the help we can get. Not so long ago, we were just a little farming community...

ARES:
     Whoa--you know, I'd love to, but I'm allergic to farming.

GABRIELLE:
     Chicken!

Ares narrows his eyes almost teasingly and disappears.

MAN (after the flash of light):
     Wow. That's quite an allergy.

XENA:
     All right. Lead the way.

CUT TO

Olympus. Hera and Athena are in the middle of a heated argument. They are literally trying to attack each other, Aphrodite is caught between them, trying to hold them back.

ATHENA:
     The last time you offered a gift to someone, it resulted in the Trojan War!

HERA:
     Oh? Unless I'm much mistaken, you offered a gift too!

Athena snarls and lunges forward, only to be stopped by Aphrodite's hand pushing against her chest.

APHRODITE:
     Whoa, whoa, you two! Now, can't we discuss this calmly and rationally? All this snarling can't be good for your karma.

ATHENA:
     Obviously, the last few years weren't completely wasted on you--you must have been brushing up on your vocabulary.

HERA (to Aphrodite):
     You're the one to talk. You were the one who did cause the Trojan War!

ATHENA:
     You got the golden apple from Paris and drove him to abduct Helen.

Aphrodite backs away from them. Hera and Athena look at her.

APHRODITE (trying to look innocent):
     We all make mistakes.

HERA:
     Some mistake. (mimicking Aphrodite) Oops--there goes Troy!

ATHENA:
     Speaking of mistakes, you're making one right now, sticking that pretty little nose into something that's none of your business.

Hera and Athena move toward her slowly. Aphrodite raises her hands in defense.

APHRODITE:
     Hey, don't go ganging up on me! Besides, I've got a couple happening in Corinth that I'd really like to get back to, if you don't mind.

Ares appears beside them. Aphrodite sees him and lights up with joy.

APHRODITE:
     I am so glad you're here, Bro! Hold the fort, I'm off to Corinth. Later.

She snaps her fingers and starts to disappear but before she is fully gone, Ares takes hold of her arm, stopping her.

ARES:
     Hold it. I'm not here to baby-sit.

He looks over at Hera and Athena who are arguing again, then back at Aphrodite.

ARES:
     If this is about the town, Xena's on her way there.

APHRODITE:
     Xena to the rescue again, huh?

ARES (sarcastic):
     Gotta love that.

APHRODITE (smirks):
     Bet you would.

She chuckles and looks at Athena and Hera.

HERA (shouting):
     It was your fault, Athena!

Aphrodite shakes her head then looks back at Ares.

APHRODITE:
     I'll be so glad when Olympus is back to normal. All this yelling and screaming is giving me a headache.

ARES:
     Oh, and here I thought this was normal.

Aphrodite walks back over to Athena and Hera. Ares shakes his head as he watches Aphrodite trying in vain to stop Athena and Hera from going at each other again.

ARES:
     Gods. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER