ACT THREE

FADE IN

Three townspeople are standing in a large room lit with candles--they are representatives of each of the three gods. A conservatively dressed middle-aged man wears Athena's crest on his robes; a flamboyant younger man has a cape decorated with Hera's trademark peacock feathers, and a girl who looks suspiciously like Discord has the white skin, black cape and red lips marking her as either a worshipper of Hades or an extra from "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" who accidentally walked onto the wrong set.

All three are standing in order of height, looking around the room, clearly bored.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP (petulantly):
     Where is she?

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP:
     I don't just represent Athena, you know--I am also a member of the city government. I have three more meetings this afternoon. I'm a very busy man!

FLAMBOYANT GUY/HERA REP:
     This is really quite atrocious. (looks longingly in the direction of the window) We're missing the party!

He starts humming Hera's cheer, softly at first, then getting louder. The other two give him withering looks.

FLAMBOYANT GUY/HERA REP:
     Sorry.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP:
     I've had enough. If Xena thinks we're going to hang around here waiting for her all day--

The doors fly open and Xena appears in the doorway, looking a little flushed. There is a swish that sounds like Ares disappearing. Xena shuts the door hastily.

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP (trying to peer past Xena):
     Was that lightning? I thought I saw a flash...

XENA:
     Static. (runs a hand over her armor) Imitation leather--bane of my existence.

FLAMBOYANT GUY/HERA REP:
     Really? I'd have never guessed. It looks so genuine...

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP:
     Everything looks genuine to you. That's the problem.

FLAMBOYANT GUY/HERA REP:
     What's that supposed to mean?

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP (to Xena):
     He's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. (to Hera's rep) You seriously think Hera is interested in kindergartens?

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP (snorts):
     Like either of you seriously thinks.

FLAMBOYANT GUY/HERA REP:
     At least we worship gods who have some fashion sense.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP (gestures toward Conservative Man/Athena Rep):
     Oh, like he would know fashion sense if it came up and bit him on the--

XENA (interrupts):
     Now, now--we're here to put an end to all the squabbling, remember?

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP (dryly):
     Yes.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP and FLAMBOYANT MAN/HERA REP (sigh in unison):
     Yeah.

XENA:
     You saw what happened out there on the square. They almost had a riot.

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP (solemnly):
     A riot is an ugly thing.

FLAMBOYANT MAN/HERA REP (shudders):
     And once you've got one going, there is no stopping it.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP (to Flamboyant Man/Hera Rep, shrugs scornfully):
     Worried about getting your feathers ruffled? (gestures toward his cape with the peacock feathers)

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP:
     We would like to find a civilized solution to this problem, Xena. (looks pointedly at Goth Girl/Hades Rep) I assume that I speak for all of us.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP (impatiently):
     Yeah, yeah. So how do we solve it?

XENA:
     Very simple. By putting the matter to a vote by the whole town.

ALL THREE REPS (simultaneously):
     A vote?

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP:
     How boring.

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP (doubtfully):
     I don't think it has ever been done that way before.

FLAMBOYANT MAN/HERA REP (flustered):
     Oh, I don't know...it sounds terribly disrespectful... I mean, Hera is offering to be our patron deity, not running for mayor...

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP:
     I hate to say this, but he's got a point.

XENA:
     Come on, think about it. It's a whole new era, isn't it? You know as well as I do that the ancient gods have lost a lot of worshipers. What they really need is to show everyone that they can keep up with the times. Be more democratic. Update their image. I'm sure you can convince them that it's the modern thing to do.

FLAMBOYANT MAN/HERA REP (intrigued):
     Update their image? Oh, that does sound interesting.

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP:
     It's true, of course, that holding a vote is much more respectable than having people yelling in the streets...

XENA:
     Why not hold a town assembly on the main square? Then the gods themselves can appear before the people, each of them can make their case, and they can put it to a vote.

FLAMBOYANT MAN/HERA REP:
     If our gods agree to it, of course.

XENA:
     Well, that's where you come in. Explain to them why it's the way to go. You know--since they've only been back recently, it's not exactly good public relations if the first thing they do is turn such a respectable town into a circus.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP (sullenly):
     At least a circus is fun.

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP:
     I think Xena's idea has some merit. Let's go talk to our gods, and then we can schedule the assembly for...shall we say, tomorrow at noon?

FLAMBOYANT MAN/HERA REP:
     Noon! I do hate getting up so early...

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP:
     Tomorrow? Waaaait a minute...that just isn't fair. Look at all the time you've spent promoting your goddesses! We're only just starting to rally people for Hades...

FLAMBOYANT MAN/HERA REP (sarcastically):
     We could give you a year and it still wouldn't help you much.

CONSERVATIVE MAN/ATHENA REP:
     All right--at noon in two days. That's final.

A slight smile touches Xena's lips.

GOTH GIRL/HADES REP:
     I guess that's all right.

XENA:
     So we're all set.

CUT TO

A room at the inn. Xena walks in and Gabrielle rises to meet her. Cheering is heard again outside. Gabrielle covers her ears for a moment.

GABRIELLE:
     How did it go?

XENA:
     Oh, they bought it. Now all they have to do is sell it to the gods. I think with the pitch I gave them, it shouldn't be too hard. The assembly is scheduled for noon, two days from now. And how's it going with Hera's supporters?

GABRIELLE:
     I got twenty volunteers.

XENA (smiles affectionately):
     We're still a great team, aren't we?

GABRIELLE:
     You betcha. I just hope Virgil and Eve are doing as well.

CUT TO

Thebes. Virgil and Eve are walking down the street, looking rather dejected.

VIRGIL:
     You know, this is the third refusal we've gotten. And we don't have much time.

EVE:
     All we need is two or three scholars to bring back to Neopolis with us, and so far we can't even get one except for Hypatia! It's really sad that people of such achievement would show so little interest in helping out their fellow human beings...

VIRGIL:
     Maybe we need a different approach.

EVE:
     Like what?

VIRGIL (thinking):
     I don't know... What would Xena do?

EVE (laughs):
     Mother? Oh, she'd get an idea...something you'd never see coming...and then once you found out what it was, you'd slap yourself on the knee and say...

She pauses as her eyes fall on something before her and she stops, gazing intensely at whatever attracted her attention.

EVE:
     ...now why didn't I think of that?

VIRGIL:
     Eve? What is it?

The camera pans over to focus on what Eve is looking at. It's a display of wares in front of a stone carver's shop--and in particular, one marble plaque with gold lettering.

VIRGIL (reads):
     "The citizens of Thebes are proud to present this plaque to--blank space--in recognition of his outstanding achievements in the field of--blank space." (looks over to Eve) Are you thinking...?

EVE:
     I think I've got an idea. Come on!

She pulls Virgil inside the shop.

CUT TO

A house in Thebes. Virgil and Eve are standing at the door. Eve knocks, and a rather pompous-looking middle-aged man in a purple tunic opens.

MIDDLE-AGED MAN:
     Yes?

EVE:
     Are you Anicolis, the famous mathematician?

MIDDLE-AGED MAN (smugly):
     I am not, but I have the great honor of serving him. Are you here to intrude on his busy time?

VIRGIL:
     We're here to honor him on behalf of the citizens of Neopolis. (holds up a plaque) We'd like to invite him to a formal ceremony for a presentation of this plaque.

SERVANT (looks over the plaque skeptically):
     Neopolis? Never heard of it.

EVE:
     Oh, it's a very important town, I assure you. In fact, at this very moment, three gods are disputing the privilege of being its patron deity.

SERVANT (grudgingly impressed):
     Indeed? Well, come on in.

Eve and Virgil follow him inside the house.

CUT TO

Eve and Virgil coming out of the house several minutes later. They have big smiles on their faces.

VIRGIL:
     It worked!

EVE:
     Flattery will get you everywhere.

VIRGIL:
     Well, that's one down, two to go.

They walk away as we:

FADE OUT

END OF ACT THREE