ACT ONE

FADE IN

Long shot of a town. As we move in closer, we see a large crowd gathered in the main square. At one end of the square is a site where an obviously large and magnificent building is under construction; at the other is a wooden platform with some seats on it. Down the center of the square is a long red ribbon dividing it in two. People are crowded on both sides, shouting.

CROWD (on right side; repeating):
     He-ra! He-ra! He-ra!

CROWD (on left side; repeating):
     A-the-na! A-the-na!

An elderly man, evidently the mayor of the town, and other members of the city council are trying in vain to calm the crowd down.

MAYOR (trying to shout over the yelling):
     Everyone, please calm down! Your attention please! Please, calm down!

Everyone begins to quiet down a bit.

MAYOR:
     Thank you.

The mayor and the city council members go up on the platform and take their seats. Then, the camera pans over to six well-muscled, good-looking men who are walking through the square, three of them on one side of the line, three on the other.

The men walking on the right side are dressed in tight black leather pants and skintight white shirts with the sleeves ripped off. The shirts have designs of peacocks on them, shining brilliantly with glitter.

The men on the other side are dressed exactly in the same outfits as the others, but instead of peacocks on their shirts, they have glittering designs of owls.

Both sides of the crowd begins to cheer, cat calls are heard as the six men approach the center of the street, facing the side of the crowd that they are standing on.

The latter three begin a cheerleading routine with gymnastic moves and kicks.

ATHENA CHEERLEADERS:
     She's a living legend
     With one-two-three--three!--skills
     Weaving, war and wisdom
     One look at her shield kills.
     The ideal modern woman
     Who's into noble deeds
     We're telling you, Athena
     Is what this town needs!
     Athena!!!

The camera pans over to Xena, Gabrielle and Eve arriving in the square. They look utterly confused.

HERA CHEERLEADERS:
     Old fashioned family values
     These days are hard to find
     But with our goddess Hera
     We'll leave all that behind
     She's into childhood welfare
     (Don't worry 'bout her past)
     We want our little darlings
     To have the very best!
     Hera!!!!

Xena, Gabrielle and Eve exchange puzzled looks.

GABRIELLE:
     This is what that man was worried about? Looks like a party to me.

EVE:
     There must be more to this than we know.

XENA:
     Let's hope so.

Xena walks past the cheerleaders, up to the seating area where the mayor and the councilors are present. Gabrielle and Eve follow. Seeing them, the mayor rises.

MAYOR:
     Xena. Thank the gods!

XENA (warily):
     What for?

GABRIELLE (off the mayor's blank look):
     What's going on?

MAYOR (steps down from his seat and walks up to them):
     Both Athena and Hera want patronage of our town, and they've both offered a gift if we choose to worship one of them. Athena offers an Academy of Sciences where the best scientists in all of Greece will teach, and Hera offers the most magnificent kindergarten we have ever seen. Both are quite marvelous gifts.

GABRIELLE:
     And the people can't decide which they want more.

EVE:
     Which explains the division in this town.

MAYOR:
     Exactly. You see, Xena, when we heard that the gods were back, we immediately started building a beautiful temple. (He points to the construction site on the other side of the square) Now we have to decide which goddess to dedicate it to.

XENA:
     So how do you think I'm going to be of help?

MAYOR:
     I don't know. You are Xena! (whining) You helped to bring the gods back. I assumed you'd be able to think of something.

XENA (through clenched teeth):
     I should start charging a consultation fee.

MAYOR:
     I beg your pardon?

XENA:
     I said, you have a very charming town here.

MAYOR:
     Thank you. It's new.

EVE:
     You mean, you never did have a patron god?

MAYOR:
     Of course not--Neopolis was only founded three seasons ago! (wails) It's a dilemma! We're stuck between Charybdis and Scylla!

XENA:
     I thought you said it was Athena and Hera.

GABRIELLE (aside to Xena):
     Figure of speech.

XENA:
     Know-it-all.

The mayor begins to wail again. Eve tries to comfort him. Other councilors don't pay them any attention, their eyes riveted to the cheerleading display.

Xena turns to Gabrielle.

XENA:
     Well, let's get to it, shall we? (between the mayor's wailing and the noise of the cheerleading, Xena is visibly getting annoyed) But first, let's go somewhere...quieter.

As Gabrielle, Xena, and Eve jostle through the crowd, the camera moves to one side to reveal a figure a short distance behind them, not cheering. The figure moves away from the crowds and begins to follow the three women out of the busy town square.

CUT TO

Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve are leaning against a wooden fence; the main square and the two crowds are visible in the distance. Cheering is faintly heard. All three are breathing heavily.

GABRIELLE:
     I thought they were going to trample us in there.

EVE:
     I think they did.

XENA (brushing herself off):
     Good thing this doesn't need ironing.

The figure following them reappears: it's Virgil.

VIRGIL:
     Xena, Gabrielle. Eve.

XENA:
     Virgil? What are you doing here?

VIRGIL:
     I heard about Neopolis and thought I'd check it out. It sounded like a joke--but when I saw you here, I knew there had to be something more to it.

EVE:
     So you see what's going on around here?

VIRGIL:
     People squabbling over dead gods? Mass delusions?

GABRIELLE:
     Uh--not quite. Actually, Athena and Hera--and all the others--they're alive.

VIRGIL (astonished):
     You mean, they never died?!

XENA:
     Not permanently.

VIRGIL:
     You're joking. (off Xena's look) No, of course not. Not permanent. Just for a while. Right.

GABRIELLE:
     Well, there's a simple explanation for that. Xena got involved, brought them back. (looks at Eve) With our help. The problem is, they now need worshippers.

VIRGIL:
     So Athena and Hera are really after Neoplolis?

EVE:
     Yeah. Funny, isn't it--the gods need people more than people ever needed them.

VIRGIL:
     I wonder if we ever needed them at all.

XENA:
     Oh, it's nice to have them around. Great way to attract tourists.

VIRGIL:
     Well, I bet you'll come up with a way to help these people. You always do.

GABRIELLE:
     All we ever really do is show people the way to help themselves.

Xena gives her a thoughtful look.

GABRIELLE:
     Why do I get a feeling that you have a plan?

XENA:
     Even better. We have a plan. (to Virgil) And you can be a part of it.

VIRGIL:
     Great! Um...what is it?

XENA:
     Eve, do you remember Hypatia?

EVE (nods slowly):
     Of course--we met her in Alexandria. But she's a...

XENA:
     Exactly! Virgil, I think I'm going to need you and Eve to take a little trip to Thebes.

Virgil and Gabrielle look at each other. Virgil mouths, "No idea". Gabrielle grins.

VIRGIL:
     Why Thebes?

The noise of the crowd in the square, which has been growing louder in the background, suddenly erupts into a roar, and the cheerleading starts again.

XENA (winces):
     Let's go someplace where we can actually hear each other talk, shall we?

The camera pans back to the square where the competing cheerleading squads are trying to outshout each other. Finally, the mayor covers his ears and, with a loud wail, runs down from the platform and scampers away.

CUT TO

A street outside an inn. Virgil and Eve are on horseback.

EVE:
     We'll be back as soon as we can.

GABRIELLE:
     You'd better. If you take too long, there may not be anything left of the town.

Eve and Virgil leave. Gabrielle looks at Xena.

GABRIELLE:
     Well, now that we've gotten that taken care of, I think I should go and have a chat with some of the people on Hera's side.

XENA:
     All right, you do that. I've got a little errand to run first.

GABRIELLE:
     Which has nothing to do with Ares?

XENA (deadpan):
     Absolutely not.

GABRIELLE:
     We may not need the gods... But it can't hurt to have another god on our side, right?

XENA:
     It all depends on the god.

Gabrielle leaves. After a few moments, Xena turns around.

XENA:
     Ares!

GABRIELLE'S VOICE IN THE DISTANCE:
     I heard that!

ARES (appearing):
     What? What did I do now?

XENA:
     Nothing...yet.

ARES:
     Come on, Xena. What are you up to? I don't have time for games right now. The ruckus back home is bad enough. But I'm guessing you already know that.

XENA:
     Oh yeah....I mean to ask you--how does it feel, having your family around again?

Ares shudders theatrically.

ARES:
     You should really see how Athena and Hera are adjusting to their return to Olympus. It's a jungle up there.

XENA:
     Didn't take very long for this sort of thing to start all over again, did it? I thought that things might have changed a little, now that they're back.

ARES (shrugs):
     Old habits die hard.

XENA:
     And what about your old habits? I'd think you'd be out there trying to rebuild your own fan base instead of hanging around me all the time.

ARES:
     Hey, you called me.

XENA:
     Yes, I did. There's something you can do for me.

ARES:
     Ask not what you can do for your god, but what your god can do for you.

XENA:
     I need to have a private chat with one of your relatives.

ARES:
     What, you're going to try to talk some sense into Sis? Or Mom? Forget it.

XENA:
     Actually, no. I want to talk to Hades.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE