The clearing in the woods from Xena and Ares' versions. Gabrielle wakes up to find Samuel crying. Xena and Ares are both asleep in their bedrolls. Gabrielle yawns and stretches, then gets up and picks up Samuel. She crinkles her nose when she realizes why he's crying. She picks up a clean cloth and walks him over to a tree stump, where she begins changing his diaper.

GABRIELLE (shakes her head):
     It's never just because you missed me, is it?

Samuel giggles and reaches up to grab a piece of her hair and put it in his mouth. Gabrielle patiently extracts it and finishes changing the diaper. Then she looks around the campsite worriedly.

GABRIELLE (trying to call out without waking the others):
     Darion? Darion!

Not getting any response, she picks up Samuel and walks over to the edge of a clearing, walks a few paces into the woods, then stops right in front of a big boulder. Suddenly, Darion appears from behind the rock, and she jumps back in surprise.

DARION (excited):
     Gabrielle, look what I found!

He steps aside, and a rabbit hops out from behind his ankle.

DARION:
     Isn't he cute? Can I keep him?

Gabrielle opens her mouth to respond, but stops when she sees Darion reach down and drop a shiny red berry on the ground. She grabs his wrist.

GABRIELLE (eyes widening):
     Darion, where did you get those?

DARION (points to a bush a few paces to his right):
     Over there, why?

She looks back at the rabbit, whose eyes are glowing red and whose mouth is covered in foam. It bares its sharp fangs at her.

GABRIELLE (panicked):
     Can't you hear it growling? It's going to bite you!

Darion looks back at the rabbit, which looks completely innocent and normal now. He gives Gabrielle a "what is wrong with you?" look.

DARION:
     It's a rabbit, Gabrielle, not a wolf!

GABRIELLE (grabs his shoulder and walking him toward the clearing):
     Back to the camp, now!

DARION (looking back at her defiantly):
     I want to play with the rabbit some more!

Gabrielle gives him a stern look, and he starts to pout, but walks back in the direction of the camp, and she follows him, patting Samuel's back. We see a close-up of Gabrielle's face, which looks weary and stress-worn.

GABRIELLE (sighing):
     Maybe I could get him a pet rock...

Samuel gurgles as if he's amused.

GABRIELLE:
     Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

She stops to look back at the rabbit, which looks back at her placidly, then she continues walking.

GABRIELLE:
     Maybe I just need more sleep... (looks back one more time) But I'll be watching you, Mister Bunny Rabbit.

Samuel giggles and tries to clap his chubby hands together.

DISSOLVE TO

Gabrielle starting a fire. Samuel is on a stump, cooing and looking at his hands. Xena is gone, and Ares is still in his bedroll. Darion is picking up sticks.

DARION (whiny):
     How many more do I have to get?

GABRIELLE:
     Enough to keep the fire going.

DARION:
     And how many is that?

GABRIELLE (growing annoyed):
     I'll tell you when it's enough.

DARION:
     But how--

Just then, Samuel starts crying at the top of his lungs. Gabrielle drops the stick she is using to poke the fire and picks up Samuel.

Ares rolls over in his bedroll, picking up his pillow and covering his head with it.

GABRIELLE (bouncing Samuel, trying to placate him):
     Hush, now, Samuel, I already fed you!

Her face changes suddenly, and she looks at her hand.

GABRIELLE (in disbelief):
     Again?!

DISSOLVE TO

Xena returns to the camp with a dead rabbit on a string. Darion eyes her keenly.

GABRIELLE:
     Oh, good, you're back. (looks at the rabbit) Couldn't you hear Samuel crying?

XENA:
     Huh? Oh, yeah, no. Isn't Ares up yet?

GABRIELLE:
     No, he didn't even wake up when Samuel started bawling.

Xena walks over to Ares and starts nudging him with her toe. We can see her in the background shaking him to wake him up.

DARION:
     Gabrielle, Xena has a rabbit! Why can't I have one?

GABRIELLE (sighing):
     Darion, that rabbit is for breakfast.

Just then, Samuel starts to roll off the stump, and Gabrielle quickly grabs him and puts him back. Xena busies herself with cleaning the rabbit.

GABRIELLE:
     I'm going to have to tie you down, aren't I? (looks at Darion pointedly) Where are those sticks?

Darion runs off to get more sticks, trying to look industrious.

A few moments later, there is a large clanging noise. We see Xena banging a spoon against a metal bucket right next to Ares' ear. This causes Samuel to start wailing, but Xena is too focused on Ares to notice.

GABRIELLE:
     Xena! Stop it!

She picks up Samuel and bounces him, trying to calm him down. Xena stops banging the bucket as Ares starts to get up from his bedroll. She and Ares bicker back and forth for a minute.

Gabrielle sees that Darion has run off into the woods again.

GABRIELLE (yelling):
     Darion, stay away from the rabbit! I'm serious! (more softly, to Samuel) Shhh-shhh... (looks at Ares, who has managed to get on his feet) Hey, could you finish packing up all the bedrolls?

ARES (with exaggerated weariness):
     You know I would...but I just have (yawns) no energy in the mornings.

GABRIELLE (very irritated):
     Forget it. (mumbles under her breath) God of War, my eye. Should have been the God of Couch Turnips. Hmm, "couch turnips" doesn't sound quite right... (snaps out of her reverie) Darion, would you please pack up Ares' bedroll for him?

GABRIELLE (voice-over):
     By some miracle, we managed to get breakfast cooked and start out on our way to Aphrodite's...

DISSOLVE TO

The path in the woods. Xena and Ares are walking just ahead of Gabrielle, who is carrying Samuel in a sling, and Darion, who is tripping along next to her. Xena and Ares aren't arguing yet, but are walking in silence.

Suddenly, Samuel lets out a loud burp, and Gabrielle looks with dismay at her shoulder.

GABRIELLE:
     Aaacck! Did any of your breakfast actually stay inside you? (to Xena) Hey, how come you never warned me about this?

XENA (patronizingly):
     Gabrielle, he's a baby. That's what babies do.

GABRIELLE (sarcastically):
     Thanks, that's very helpful.

XENA:
     What's the matter with you this morning? Did you sleep on a rock again?

GABRIELLE (exasperated):
     No, I've just been taking care of Samuel and Darion and cooking our food, and on top of that, I've got to put up with your whiny ex-God of War boyfriend--

ARES:
     Whaddaya mean, whiny?

XENA (annoyed):
     You must have slept on a rock. I've never seen you this cranky before! It's not like we haven't had to listen to Sammy's caterwauling all morning, too, you know.

GABRIELLE (takes a deep breath, then exhales):
     You know, when Eve was a baby, I always tried to be understanding. But now that I'm raising a baby of my own, you've done nothing but complain!

XENA (smugly):
     Well, that's because Eve was much better behaved than Sammy.

GABRIELLE (her voice takes on an edge):
     Are you trying to say your kid is better than mine? Xena, Eve cried every bit as much as Samuel.

XENA:
     Well, she never cried when I was holding her.

GABRIELLE (sputtering with barely-controlled rage):
     You--I--that's--not--true! (pauses) At least Sammy doesn't spit up every five minutes!

XENA (indignant):
     She only spit up on you because you weren't holding her right! Babies aren't meant to be shaken like paint cans, you know!

GABRIELLE (shouting):
     Or maybe because you liked to eat garlic and onions right before feeding her!

XENA:
     I did not--

ARES (interrupting):
     I do not get mortals. Why would you want one of those when they don't even do anything?

GABRIELLE:
     Like what? Move things with their minds?

ARES (gulps):
     For example. (changing the subject) So, uh, when are we supposed to get to the farmhouse?

On the side of the road we see a single yellow flower begin to wilt as they walk by.

GABRIELLE (voice-over):
     We eventually reached Aphrodite's house, where I was reunited with my horse Klio...

DISSOLVE TO

Gabrielle, smilingly, hands Samuel off to Hephaestus, who looks very uneasy, holding the baby out at arm's length. She nods reassuringly, then runs off.

DISSOLVE TO

Gabrielle leading Klio out of the stable. They get outside, and Gabrielle climbs up into the saddle and takes off at a fast pace. We see a brief montage of Gabrielle riding:

-- through a wheatfield, her hair blowing in the breeze
-- beside a stream in the woods, a smile lighting up her face
-- past a waterfall surrounded by lush greenery.

Xena, Gabrielle, Darion and Genia inside the orphanage. This room has a rocking horse; a toybox with puppets, dolls, a couple of wooden swords, slingshots, balls; and a shelf full of books.

Genia is talking animatedly while Gabrielle listens. Darion is walking next to them, holding Samuel and trying to keep him from sucking his thumb. Xena is sitting on a stool, polishing her sword.

GENIA (effusively):
     Oh, Gabrielle, my life here is wonderful! I'm helping people, and the Hestians have been so kind to me, and the children are--

Genia is interrupted by shouting, scuffling, and crashing noises coming from outside the temple. Xena rushes outside and starts fighting with the thugs.

Gabrielle runs to the door, but stops when one of the thugs barrels into the orphanage. She throws a sai at his head as he comes through the door, and then turns around as another thug enters the building.

Thug #2 starts slashing wildly at her with his sword, which she deflects. Two more thugs enter the building while they are fighting and head for the treasury box. Thug #1 gets up and lunges at Genia, and Gabrielle catches his sword in one of her sais while she kicks the other thug in the abdomen.

The other two thugs grab the bags of money and run toward the door.

GABRIELLE (yelling):
     Stop!

She looks horrified as she sees Darion stepping into the path of one of them, his arms out at his sides. He is holding one of the toy swords from the toybox. Samuel can be heard crying somewhere off-screen.

GABRIELLE:
     Darion, no! Get over here now!

Darion ignores her, so she rushes over and pushes him out of the way. The thug raises his sword over his head and nearly brings it down, but she rolls out of the way at the last minute, hugging Darion to her. The thug runs out the door, followed by the others. Gabrielle stands up and pulls Darion to his feet. She looks livid.

GABRIELLE:
     What did you think you were DOING?!

DARION:
     I was gonna help you fight the bad guys! If you would have let me--

GABRIELLE:
     NO! I don't want to hear it. You almost got us both killed, and you left Samuel alone.

She hurries over to where Samuel is crying. She picks him up, and Darion scowls at her in the background. He runs outside.

Gabrielle tries to shush the baby, then sniffs the air, then grimaces.

GABRIELLE (to Samuel):
     Not again!

Gabrielle has the children gathered around her, and she is in the middle of telling a story. She is holding Samuel on her lap. Aphrodite is in another corner of the room helping some of the children with their painting.

GABRIELLE:
     So then, when the beautiful princess woke up, she was in a magical land where everything was different from anything she had ever known. In this land, she was married to a man she didn't remember, and he made her take care of their three children, who looked like...fish.

LITTLE GIRL:
     But how could they look like fish? People aren't fish!

GABRIELLE:
     You know, I have an interesting theory about that, but... (sees the children's eyes glaze over) that's not important right now. The children were children, but they had gills and flippers...and one of them was a squid. Or an octopus--

LITTLE GIRL:
     That's silly!

Samuel giggles and then spits up. Gabrielle grabs the rag from her shoulder and wipes his chin.

GABRIELLE (trying to remain calm):
     No, you see, it was a magical kingdom where the people were like fish. The princess discovered that she turned into a mermaid when she went into the water.

LITTLE BOY:
     Why?

GABRIELLE (starting to lose patience):
     Why what?

LITTLE BOY:
     Why was she a mermaid?

GABRIELLE:
     Just--listen to the story, and maybe you'll find out, okay?

LITTLE BOY:
     But I want to know now!

LITTLE GIRL #2:
     I need to go to the bathroom!

LITTLE GIRL #3:
     Me, too!

LITTLE BOY #2:
     Me, three!

Some of the kids start to get up and run around. Some of them start throwing paper airplanes and jumping on the chairs.

GABRIELLE (moves as if to stand up):
     All right, all right! If you don't want to hear the rest of the story...

A chorus of whining goes up from the children, who stop in their tracks. Samuel starts fussing and trying to escape from Gabrielle's grasp.

LITTLE BOY #1:
     We want to hear what happens!

GABRIELLE:
     All right, then. The princess got tired of taking care of the kids all the time, with no help from her ungrateful husband--

LITTLE GIRL (raises her hand):
     Why?

Gabrielle puts her head in her hands, groaning.

GABRIELLE (looking up after a few moments):
     Uhhh...how about a different story? About a boy who fought a giant?

The kids all cheer excitedly. Gabrielle notices Aphrodite struggling with some of the kids in the corner who are in danger of ruining her outfit.

APHRODITE (yells):
     Gabrieeeelle!!!

GABRIELLE (calls over to her):
     Why don't you come over here and listen to the story?

APHRODITE (hestitantly):
     What kind of story is it?

GABRIELLE:
     Uh, it's a beautiful love story!

APHRODITE (brightens):
     Really?

GABRIELLE:
     Er, sort of. (under her breath) At least, for some people, it was...

One of the children crawls over to Gabrielle and taps her knee to get her attention.

GABRIELLE:
     What is it, uh, Leonis, isn't it?

Leonis smiles impishly. He pulls a slingshot from behind his back and hits Gabrielle in the forehead with a pebble. The other children laugh hysterically.

GABRIELLE (peeved):
     Owww! (trying to keep her cool) Leonis, that wasn't very nice. Give me the slingshot... (off his defiant grin) now.

Leonis shakes his head and hides the slingshot behind his back, and the other children giggle.

GABRIELLE (rubs her forehead):
     Geniaaaa!

DISSOLVE TO

All the children sleeping in their bedrolls. Gabrielle is feeding Samuel, and Aphrodite is sitting next to her. They are already in the middle of a conversation, but we are too far away to hear what they are saying. The camera pans over the sleeping kids in the foreground, then over to Genia, who is talking animatedly to some Hestians while holding a pair of onions in front of her.

The camera gradually gets closer to Gabrielle and Aphrodite. As it does, we hear a loud roar coming from outside.

APHRODITE (snidely):
     Gabrielle, your...child...burps louder than Hermes after one of Uncle Dionysus' festivals! Don't you think you should teach him some manners?

GABRIELLE (looks to the door concernedly):
     Aphrodite, that wasn't Samuel, that was something outside! (looks back at Aphrodite, slightly peeved) And what did you say about my son?

APHRODITE (archly):
     Oh, nothing, I was just saying that he must get his manners from you.

GABRIELLE (under her breath):
     And to think people actually used to worship you.